Just When You Thought You Had Enough T-Shirts...

I want to be Ashley Eckstein when I grow up. Yeah, I know, I'm 32, but that hardly makes me a grown-up. This woman is amazing. She's a talented actress and voice artist, gets to hang out with the Star Wars crowd for a living, and designs some of the most beautiful "geek tees" I've ever seen. Recently, Her Universe (Eckstein's design house) branched out to partner with SyFy for some adorable Warehouse 13, Battlestar Galactica, and SyFy Original Movie products. Starting July 11th, though, Her Universe will be broadening its own universe by taking on that captain of time and space, himself, The Doctor.

I am going to be so very broke.
 

The new Doctor Who line currently consists of three shirts, and I can't decide which is my favorite! Two of the shirts are v-necks with flattering, elongated torsos. The TARDIS blue shirt features a white sketch of the little blue box in one corner, with the curlieque inscription, "Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue". A black tee shows off a pair of bright red killer pumps, bearing the words, "Hell in High Heels" on one sole, and a minature TARDIS on the other. The last shirt is a navy, wide-necked box-tee. The Van Gogh painting of an exploding TARDIS that was so prominent at the end of 11's first season is centered on the front, detailed with gold foil. Doctor Who shirts are $28 each, and will be available online beginning July 11th.



Photo Credit (All): Her Universe



The Good Old Days? A Rant

My friend Genna shared a blog that someone else shared with her (it's like the telephone game around here today, I swear). The blog is called Retronaut, and the post is a grouping of vintage ads that promote sexism. The ads are presented without comment, but I think it's pretty obvious that the poster didn't care for the sentiment. Today's ads are far from perfect--I don't remember the last time I danced around the kitchen with my Swiffer--but very rarely do I cringe as much as I did reading this list. Would Chase Freedom's adventure-seeking gal (who turned down a diamond for the rock she'd rather climb) be considered "indelicate"? Why, I'd imagine the doting new father in the Vonage ads would be tossed right out of the Thursday night poker game!

Granted, I did chuckle at a couple of the ads, like this one:

Photo Credit (All): Retronaut

Frankly, that ad doesn't make him look too spectacular, either. Also, when I first started to learn how to cook, I set the fire alarm off regularly, so I guess I have a soft spot for this one. That said, for every quaintly outdated ad posted, there are about three or four that make you want to bludgeon the "creative minds" behind them. I dare you to look at this and not get angry:

Now, bear in mind this is not the worst of the bunch. Not by a longshot.

I cook the meals in my house because I like to eat. My husband does the laundry. Fair is fair.
I wear lipgloss because I like it. I'm sure my husband appreciates it, but I don't do it for him.
I love a good pinup girl; not because she looks cute next to a plane, but because she probably built that plane.
I agree with Ginger Rogers, that a woman can do anything a man can do, backwards and in high heels.

Thank you to all the women who worked so hard to ensure I never have to see ads this offensive in circulation. I only hope we can keep it up.

Me Wants It, My Precious!!

Thomas found this today:

I am in desperate need of a manicure, and now I want this on my nails!

Photo Credit (This and Below): billythebrime

(and you can all just shut up about my never having seen all of the series. I can't help it if I fall asleep. It's not boring...it's peaceful. The elves are so pretty and calm, and they just put me right out.)

The "One Ring To Bind Them" quote reads in a circle, from left thumb to right thumb. According to the artist's tumblr, the base coat was Milani Gold Lame, and the artwork was done with black acrylic.

Photo Credit: Sephora

If you're interested in giving this a shot, any gold base will work. I'm partial to Sephora by OPI's Charge It! You'll also need either a black nail polish pen, or a black polish with a super skinny brush. Cinapro has a black nail pen available on Amazon. ENailSupply has a really neat option, as well: a pen/brush hybrid! You can either use the bottle as a pen, or unscrew the cap and use the itty-bitty brush that's inside. You'll also want to seal your work with a clear topcoat.

Personally, I'd suggest either having this done by an artist, or taking your time and painting the design onto false nails, then applying them later. I only say this because I cannot draw with my left hand. At all. I'd hate to get halfway through and not be able to finish well.

Here's a copy of the quote in Elvish, for reference. Good luck!



Photo Credit: Wikipedia



These Are My Kind of Spock Ears!

Here's a quick bit of pretty for you this (if you live around here) gloomy, nasty Monday:

Photo Credit: LRakerDesigns

These are just plain neat. Whether you're into fairies, elves, or Vulcans, these pretty wire ear-wraps might be right up your alley. Personally, I think they'd go perfectly with my Arwen necklace. Etsy seller LRakerDesigns handmakes these one-of-a-kind beauties, along with a few other gorgeous goodies. Check 'em out, and let me know what you think in the comments. $45, etsy.

Pin-Up Posters and Diva Decor

You know how I said yesterday that I hoped to take some pictures of the bathroom last night? Well, I decided to wait on that until there was something decent to photograph. Right now, the towels aren't out, the decor is only halfway installed, and a great big container of spackle is right smack dab in the middle of my countertop. Trust me, you want me to wait on this.

Andy's Room. Photo Credit: DisneyWallpaper

In the meantime, let me tell you about my nowhere-near-finished guest room! (I can tell you're just chompin' at the bit.) The room had been what Thomas referred to as "Andy's Room Blue", but we painted over that with slate gray and trimmed the window, doors, and baseboards in white. Most of the accents are lime green, which really pops against the gray.

The inspiration for the room came, in part, from a rather odd source: Victoria's Secret. I kid thee not.

See, back around the time of the last fashion show, the company held a sweepstakes, and I--for once--won a prize! I received a design-inspired sketch of one of the runway looks. Now, to be perfectly frank, I wasn't thrilled. I was thrilled to get anything, of course, but I'd hoped for a gift card, discount, or maybe a t-shirt. Design-inspired sketch never even entered my mind. What on Earth was I going to do with a picture of some random chick in lingerie?


Photo Credit: CBS News.
Change the yellow to pink, and this is my sketch.

A few weeks later, my "major award" arrived. Inside a little "Congratulations! You're a Winner!" card was the sweetest little cartoon-like sketch of a redheaded superheroine--all in hot pink with white go-go boots! The background was a lemon-lime green, and the entire piece was beyond adorable. I squealed a little, and decided right then and there that I would decorate the guestroom in a sophisticatedly (is that a word? It is now) girly fashion. The sketch went into a chrome frame with a white mat, and the search for equally precious pinup art commenced. 

A quick search on Amazon brought up some winners. Here are my favorites:

Photo Credit: Poster Shop Live (This and next two)

Link

Link

Photo Credit: Pop Culture Graphics

Since the room's going uber-girly, I thought I'd toss in a frilly mirror...

Photo Credit: Kirkland's

...then tone things down a bit with a mod lamp.

Photo Credit: Target

It's a work-in-progress, but I think we may be getting there. Any thought? I'd love to read them in the comments.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Something is missing, and I can't quite put my finger on it...

Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?

Photo Credit (This and Above): Collider.com

Oh, that's it! He forgot his pants!

Photo Credit: Entertainment Earth

Honestly, I've not been too impressed with this costume since the original press photo came out, and that was even before I could tell that somebody forgot his Underoos. Then, I just didn't care for the fabric texture and the muted colors. Last I checked, Superman was supposed to be a bright beacon of hope. This one...well, I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley.

Photo Credit: ScreenRant

*He kind of scares me.* 

This is nothing against Mr. Cavill, of course. He's a fine actor and looks every inch the part. I just don't like the suit. At all.

What I do like, on the other hand, is this shirt from Trunk Ltd. Now, that truly is a super man. ($39.95, Trunk Ltd.)

Photo Credit: Beauty's Blog

Something's Gotta Give

I'm on a diet.

I'm bad at it.

This really sucks.

I'm trying to lose about fifteen pounds--enough to have a little more wiggle room in my skinny jeans, and a little less wiggle under my chin. As of this writing, I've been working on it for about a month, and have made zero progress. Just so you can understand how frustrating this is, here's a list of the life changes I've made in a month:

*I no longer drink soft drinks, save for the one I had at the movies when there was no alternative, and the diet coke I had with a salad. My only other option, at the time, was sweet tea. I went with the lesser of the two evils. Instead of soft drinks, I'm drinking bottles (plural) of water with calorie-free flavoring. I'm also downing a bottle of diet green tea per day.

*I've changed my snacking habits. I now eat two servings of fresh fruit as a mid-day snack. In the evenings, I either munch on popcorn (low-cal) or graham crackers with an itty-bitty bit of marshmallow fluff (low-cal. Empty calories, granted, but very few), or if desperate, one of those atrocious Fiber One brownies. I've cheated a grand total of three times in the past month, and never wildly.

*I've all but abandoned Starbucks. In the past month, I've been there twice. I now drink home-brewed coffee with Splenda and a little non-dairy creamer. One cup per day.

*Chicken fingers barely exist. I now get the no-finger salad when we go to the local heavenly chicken finger joint. If we have to go to the chain restaurant, Thomas and I split a meal, and I eat two fingers. I'm slowly curbing my addiction. I'm also cooking more at home, and watching serving sizes to keep everything around 400 calories.

*I have a smoothie place reward card, and there are even punches on it. It's attached to the heavenly chicken finger joint, so that's really saying something.

*There is no junk food in my house. The last of the ice cream went out yesterday. The worst thing in the pantry is a box of Little Debbie Apple Flips, and they're not that bad.

*I do sit-ups, push-ups, squats, and trampoline jogging at least twice a week--most of the time more, and walk two miles at least once, sometimes twice, per week. I'm beginning to stretch in the evenings while I'm watching TV.

*Out of desperation, I've even tried a fat burner and a very gentle two-week cleanse. There have been no side effects other than increased energy, so I'm keeping them up, but I can't swear they've done anything.

So, now I'm really making sure I don't cheat. 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet (love that name, by the way) suggests keeping a calendar, and using a sticker to mark off each day that you eat right, do all your exercising, and stick to your plan. At the end of a full month of stickers, you can treat yourself to a little happy, like a lipgloss, something cute to wear, new lingerie (oh, good Lord...that's more than a month!), or a massage. Another sweet visual reminder is this thermometer, that lets you tick off how much you've lost. My calendar is already on my fridge, so I may print this out and tack it up next to it for a little extra motivation.

Now, I know I'm not the only one out there in this situation. What are you guys doing to shed a few unwanted pounds? Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated!

I Guarantee *I* Would Be Bigger on the Inside

I'm just going to post this picture and let it speak for itself:

Photo Credit: Mayfaire Moon

I. WANT. ONE. Nikki Cohen, the artist, is one seriously talented lady, and that's just the work in progress. Now, I just need a cool white blouse, some fitted black trousers, a whole lot more self-confidence, twelve jammie dodgers and a fez...

Why Must You Taunt Me So?

This came to me yesterday, and I have scoured the Internet like mad ever since. These items are, sadly, not available in the US...yet. I will continue to hold out hope. I give you...

Photo Credit (This and Below): Tokyo Fashion

...Batman lingerie!!!

How cute is that?! This set is from Aimerfeel's "We (Heart) Hero" collection, which also features this little number:

Look at the itty-bitty ears!!!! Oh, me wants it, my precious!!! Superman styles are also available, but I'm really digging the Batman sweetness. See you tomorrow! Same adorable time, same adorable channel!

Tossing Sequins In Our Eyes: Burlesque Movie Review

Wow.

I almost made it through Burlesque last night. Almost. A little over an hour in, I caved. Now, I'm a musical kind of girl. My DVD shelves are littered with Camelot, How To Succeed in Business, Phantom of the Opera, Oklahoma (two versions--one with Hugh Jackman!), Rent, Chicago, Thoroughly Modern Millie, tons of Sondheim shows, and I want to say three copies of The Sound of Music. That's barely putting a dent in the collection. Some are good, some are bad, and some are so bad they're good. This one was just so bad it was hilarious, and I made it through Nine, for crying out loud!

I wasn't planning to do a full-on movie review, but why not? I've gotten this far. Let's see...the plot was cliche and totally predictable. A small town innocent packs up her dreams and moves to L.A. with nothing but a handfull of dollar bills and a photo of her dead mother (who will be shoved down our throats anytime there's a need for us to feel any sort of emotion toward said small town innocent). Ali (short for Alice) is somehow cosmically drawn to the seedy, but exceptionally well-choreographed Wonderland (yes, they went there) of the Burlesque Lounge, where she forces her way into a waitressing job, then ultimately onto the stage, where she is realized for the talent she is, and becomes the star of the show. Yay for Ali. Meanwhile, there's a boozy, witchy diva to outshine, and a love triangle between Ali, her best guy friend, and the handsome villain. Oh, lest I forget, they've also got to raise enough money to keep the Burlesque Lounge out of foreclosure. I couldn't tell you if they beat the bank, since I never made it that far, but I'd bet money those plucky dancers saved the day, and probably at the very last second.

It's a train wreck, but Lordy, it's a fun train wreck. The choreography is fantastic, the numbers are hysterical (in a good way) and down-right hot. I don't personally care for Christina Aguilera's style of singing, but you can't argue that the girl's got pipes. Cher sounds amazing, and her heartfelt solo, "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me", would be absolutely wrenching in any other less ridiculous context. I also admired the placement of the musical numbers. So many movie musicals have people inexplicably bursting into song. Here, all numbers were confined to the stage, and had dramatic purpose. If only this could have been an all-star Burlesque show! How awesome would that have been?!

Since they did make it a movie, with actors and dialogue and all that jazz, at least they got Stanley Tucci. I swear, that man makes everything better. Poor Peter Gallagher and Alan Cumming were completely underused. I kept hoping and praying they'd let Alan Cumming do something onstage; then they did, and I remembered to be careful what I wish for. Eric Dane makes for a charmingly sleezy bad guy, and Cam Gigandet, as love-interest, Jack, is ruggedly vulnerable, and looks very nice without a shirt. Christina Aguilera is not an actress, but you could tell she really put some effort into her acting, and I have to give her credit for that. Honestly, the writing didn't do anyone any favors. Not to post spoilers, but when all the "good guys" in the movie have sufficiently creeped you out, it's time to turn off the DVD and see what's streaming on Netflix.

This is a movie to laugh at, not with. I don't say that to be mean, either. This is the kind of movie that I can see people giving the Rocky Horror treatment. There are dozens of fabulous, glittery ensembles for cosplay, catchy songs for sing-alongs, and laughably fun lines to yell back at the screen. Case in point, my favorite of the movie: "If you fall off the stage, legs extended, boobs up!" Really, I think that pretty much sums up the whole film. It may be short on substance and long on style, but it plays that style to the gaudy, glamorous, rhinestone encrusted hilt.

Final Verdict: 2 out of 10. Make it a group night, pile on some glitter, and fast forward to the numbers.

Now, for the real reason for this post. Ali wears some excruciating gorgeous Louboutin's in the film:

Photo Credit: Third Avenue Princess

They don't exist in the real world (custom made for the movie, sad to say), but I found two great sites for seriously discounted real Louboutin's. Click here or here to get a pair for as little as $107 (still too rich for my blood, but definitely affordable by comparison). Here's the pair I'm dying for:

Photo Credit: The Best Christian Louboutin Outlet

I Can Already Hear "Stairway To Heaven"

Photo Credit: Mom Prom

IT'S PROM SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I know. I, and most of you reading this, are too old to go to Prom. Well, at least in the non-chaperoning sense. Or so we thought...

Introducing the Mom Prom! (So what if I'm not a mom? I can still go!) According to their site:

Mom Prom was created in Canton, MI in 2006 at St. Thomas a'Becket Catholic Church. It is a ladies night out for charity in which women wear their old prom gowns, bridesmaids dresses, or wedding gowns. It is a real prom with a DJ, karaoke, a tackiest dress contest, and a game to crown the new queen. This is a wonderful, hilarious night in which women can dance the night away, have fun with friends, and help a worthy cause.We hope to have ladies groups from across the country create their own proms, raising money for charities that are close to their hearts. So look for that old gown in the back of your closet and get ready to dance, dance, dance while helping those in need.

So far, there have already been thirty Mom Proms in 2011, with another ten planned throughout the Summer. Anyone can sponsor one, as well, and for any charity. They even suggest that, if you can't hold an actual Prom, you get a group of friends together for a fun night out, and send a donation matching what you spent on yourselves to your favorite charity. Basically, this is a really laid-back, fun, goofy way to have a blast with your gal pals and help out the less fortunate. Plus, how much more motivation to hit the gym do you need, than knowing you have to squeeze back into your high school Prom dress? Yikes!

Another fun way to get back that old high school spirit (or not, depending on how that whole experience went for you), is to kick back, drink something that would have gotten you suspended, and enjoy one of these Prom-tastic classics (in no particular order):

She's All That: My Fair Lady for the teenage set. This makes the list because it's intelligent, funny, and because no Prom is complete without a spontaneous, choreographed dance number, right?

Ten Things I Hate About You: The Shrew needs a Prom date in this update on the Bard. Plus, it's neat to see Heath Ledger before he was Heath Ledger!!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The classic Boy meets Girl, Girl kicks Vampire butt story.  Stake wielding cheerleaders, Luke Perry, Pee-Wee, and a few explosions make for a darn good time.

Pretty In Pink: What Prom movie list would be complete without cutie-pie Molly Ringwald finding the dress of her dreams, and the boy to go with it?

Carrie: Again, it would be a crime to leave this off. Sure, the prom sucked, but her dress sure was pretty...yeesh...

Grease: Born To Hand Jive, Baby!!! This is also the only movie on this list that doesn't end with the Prom. It's just a milestone along the way, and really, isn't that the case in real life?

I know I've missed loads. If you have a fave that's not on the list, please share it in the comments.

This Might Get Me Divorced

This time last year, my house was filled with duct tape. No, nothing was broken. Thomas and I were in production on The Night Shift, and the duct tape was for, well, everything. It held up the green screen. It was used as marks for the actors. It kept Herbie's head attached to his body. Basically, it kept the production from falling apart. God bless duct tape.

One of my favorite uses, though, had to be dummy-making. We needed two full body dummies for the film, but obviously didn't have the budget to buy them. Heck, we didn't have the budget to even order a catalog to look at them. Instead, Thomas and I hit the thrift store and bought two sweatsuits. Then, he'd pull one on over his clothes (it got a might warm), and I'd completely cover ever inch in duct tape. It was less entertaining than it sounds. Well, for us, anyway. The bickering between the two of us was probably pretty popcorn-worthy.

Anyhoo, once he was taped up, I cut the suit off of him. We were then able to tape the suit pieces together and stuff them for a pretty convincing body. If nothing else, I can say that I was very nervous driving around with it in the back seat. Some cops have good senses of humor...some don't...

Point is, for about five or ten minutes, my darling husband was stuck on the floor, unable to move (but sure as heck trying to, bless him), and completely covered from neck to ankle in shiny silver. That, in and of itself, is a funny mental image. Now, imagine how much more hysterical it would be if the duct tape had looked like this:

Photo Credit: Kitty Hell

That is all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go place an order with Target...

Don't tell Thomas.

Mavel-ously Silly

Hahahahahahaha!!!! These are silly and made me giggle, therefore, I had to share. You know how the kiddie clothing departments carry pajamas that look just like superheroes' costumes, complete with capes? How about the "young men's" t-shirts that mimic comic and movie characters' iconic outfits? Well, this one's for the ladies...

Photo Credit: Spencer's

SUPERHERO JAMMIES!!!!!!!!! The above is Captain America, but they also have girly versions of :

SPIDERMAN!



BLACK WIDOW!

EMMA FROST!

AND THE HULK!

I have to say, Captain America is my favorite, but that Hulk one is a close second. Are they tacky as all get-out? Absolutely! Do I totally and completely want one? You bet your sweet bippy, I do! $24.99, Spencer's.

We're Men! (Manly Men!)

This is a girly site, right? And there's nothing girlier than a scented candle, right? Wrong!!!!

Hart Main
Photo Credit: Mancans

Hart Main is all boy. He's 13 years-old, loves to run 5Ks, and swims with the local YMCA. In his spare time (I want some of this child's energy), he manufactures scented candles in his kitchen with his mom. Manly scented candles. Bacon, cut grass, leather, pizza...you know, manly fragrances.

Hart's little enterprise started when his sister brought home a school fundraising campaign that featured scented candles. He made fun of the candles (and his sister, of course) for being too girly. Then a lightbulb went off. Instead of complaining, he would do something about the problem! With $100 in start-up money earned from his paper route and odd jobs, Hart and his mom started making candles for a more masculine clientele. The wax is poured into repurposed soup cans (the contents were donated to a nearby soup kitchen) and labeled with recycled brown paper bearing the warning: “In case you are stupid, this candle will get very, very hot.” You know, manly packaging.

At last count, Hart had sold 500 "Mancans" at $5 a piece through local shops and his own website. He told reporters he'd profited enough to buy a new bike. Then the story went national...

Hart is still taking orders, though, as his site says, "Please be patient, these are still made in my kitchen, and I still have to go to school during the day." Hart must have figured out the law of supply and demand, as the price has increased to $8 per candle, and he's rolling out new scents for Spring. Cracker Jacks candles, anyone? He's also on the lookout for charities that will accept soup donations. If he keeps this up, candles might just put him through college. For more information, check out the Mancans site.

Hint, Hint. Wink, Wink. Honk, Honk. Say No More!

I'm a girly girl.  My cell phone is pink with a disco theme, and has alternating Lily Allen and Blondie ringtones.  My hot pink iPod has rhinestone earbuds, and while I don't have a Bedazzler, I do have jewel glue, and I know how use it.  But, even with all that, this is too girly for me.   

Yep.  Those are eyelashes.  On a car. 

And that's the crystal "eyeliner" (sold separately).

Photos by Turbo Style Products

Lord, help us.  These CarLashes were created by visual effects artist, Robert Small, who has contributed to the films Apollo 13 and Titanic, and the Universal Studios attraction Terminator 2: 3D.  Prices are $24.99 for the lashes, and $19.99 for the eyeliner, and both can be applied to most cars.  Simply provide the make and model of your car, and the appropriate style will be sent to you.  The lashes are made of heavy, flexible plastic and are attached with 3M tape.  They are designed to handle regular driving and car washes, won't damage your paint job, and can be easily removed by peeling off the tape.  

CarLashes come to us from Turbo Style Products, a brand new company out of Utah.  Their mission is to become "THE leading supplier of female automotive aftermarket products."  I don't know.  Maybe it's just me, but that sounds more than a little condescending.  I can't really think of anything I need in my car that my husband doesn't need in his.  I mean, what's next?  A glittery tampon dispenser next to the CD player, maybe?  As I mentioned earlier, I love pretty shinies, but within reason.  I don't need my jumper cables to sparkle, or my tire jack painted pink, thank you.  I just need them to work.  

Yeah, sure, it's cute in the picture, but can you imagine this in the real world?  "I'm sorry, officer.  I didn't mean to hit that power pole, but I could have sworn that car winked at me."  Oh, that'd go over well.  

Now, I'm sure there are some good points to this.  Your car would be much easier to find in a parking lot (if you parked facing out).  Your husband/boyfriend/dad/brother won't ask to borrow your car very often.  Um...help me out here...uh...small children will be delighted to think you know Thomas the Tank Engine?  

Well, they did give me a good giggle today, if nothing else.  So, would any of you put these on your car?  Let me know in the comments.  

Now, today, in lieu of the magic bag o' samples, I thought I'd share an outright product review.  If you're a long time Adorable Napalm reader, you know by now that I'm a member of BzzAgent, a word-of-mouth marketing company.  The way it works, BzzAgent sends me a product, I try it, and then tell everyone I know what I thought about it.  If I like the product, great.  If not, that's okay, too.  All they ask is that I be honest.  Well, this time around, they sent me Garnier Fructis Style Sleek & Shine Blow Dry Perfector, and I'm afraid you're all going to get a whole lot of honesty from me.

I hate it.  Now, hate is a strong word, and one I rarely use in product reviews, but this time, it's the nicest way I can express how I feel.  According to Garnier:

Now you can achieve the perfect, bouncy-blow dry. One application of this innovative, 2-step smoothing kit.

. Tames frizz
. Keeps hair smooth and shiny
. Provides easier, faster blow dries
. Lasts 7 shampoos

I was actually looking really forward to this.  Being from the land of humidity so thick you need a straw to breathe, I have been on a hunt for anything that might help with frizzies.  I have thick, wavy hair, and it has a mind of its own--and a twisted mind, at that.  This really looked like my saving grace.

Eagerly, I tore open the box, and read the instructions.  "What?  You have to wait two weeks before or after coloring?  My hair appointment is next week!  Oh, man!"  So, I waited.  And waited.  And waited.

Finally, the now three week wait was over, and I could have the frizz-free hair I'd been dreaming of!  I opened the box, read the directions (again), put on the enclosed gloves, and opened the 20-minute smoothing serum.  And nearly threw up.  They warned that there could be an odor, but that's normal because of the active ingredients.  It smells like a wet dog had his fur permed, then decided to run through a chemical plant.  It's godawful, and it only gets worse the longer you have it on.  My entire house reeked of this stuff.  It gave me a headache, and my poor husband was more than a little relieved when the 20 minute application time was up. 

I jumped into the shower, and furiously began to rinse all of the ick out of my hair.  It still stank to high Heaven.  Then, I towel dried my hair and went to the sink for phase two, the heat-activated perfect-it cream. 

This smelled more like the Garnier I know and love.  It has their signature apple scent, and felt nice going on--like a leave-in conditioner.  Unfortunately, the stink from the earlier serum overpowered the apples, and within seconds, I smelled, once again, like that unfortunate dog.  Oh, well.  Maybe blow-drying would help?

Nope, still gross.  Also, my blow-drying time was not shortened, and my hair looked exactly the same as it always does when I blow dry it.  It was straight, but still frizzy.  I looked at the instructions, and it suggested using a flatiron to thoroughly straighten the hair.  Well, duh.  If you use a flatiron on hair, it straightens it, whether it's been treated with this stuff or not!  I was miffed.  Not only was my hair no better off than before, now it smelled putrid.  Great.

That night, the smell kept me awake. 

The next morning, I decided to use my curling iron to see if the heat would activate the product and smooth my frizz.  It helped some, but no more than usual.  Thankfully, my hairspray covered up the stench. 

The next morning, I just left it.  It had finally stopped smelling, and since I knew I was going to exercise after work, I figured it'd be fine in a ponytail. 

This morning, I got up, washed my hair, and rassafrackin' *expletive(s) deleted*, the stupid rotting corpse smell returned!!  Noooo!!!  I blew it dry, and I swear it took longer than usual, and the frizz was out of hand.  I had to put another smoothing product on it, which, at least, helped cover the odor.  I didn't have time to curl it, so I just left with awful, frizzy hair.

So, here I sit, frizzy and ticked off, writing this review.  I hope to God this stuff doesn't last seven shampoos.  The smell might kill me.  I could tell you pricing and availability, but save your money, save your time, and just invest in decent shampoo and a flatiron.  Trust me, you'll be much better off.