All I Want For Halloween Is a Costume That Fits: Rant and Audience Participation

Why can't I buy a freaking Halloween costume?

Let me rephrase that: Why can't I walk into a store, try on, and then buy a freaking Halloween costume? You almost have to order online. My local Party City isn't sure they're even getting in some of the costumes they have on their Wall O' Stuff because the warehouse has already sold out online. If you go to the Spirit Halloween website, you can scroll through pages before you find anything that isn't "online only". Walmart has only a handful of adult costumes, and Target isn't stocking any in stores. I don't want to have to order a costume online!!

And why not, you ask? Because it's a crap-shoot, that's why. Back when we did The Night Shift, I needed to order a few costumes for our zombies and ghosties. Everyone was measured, and I used those measurements to choose sizes based on the provided size charts. Of those costumes, only one was usable out of the bag. Barely. And only because it was stretchy. Everything else was either waaaaay too big or waaaaay too little, or bore, in no way, any resemblance to the picture on the website. At least two costumes had to be scrapped entirely, one was altered and dyed, and we were able to salvage the accessories from another. Frankly, it was pitiful.

Of course, that was three years ago. Surely, the size charts would be improved by now, you say. Let's fast-forward to last year. I decided to be Belle. I researched, read reviews, studied Google Images, and decided on a very sweet costume. Again, I chose my size based on my measurements and their size chart. Again, my online costume arrived in a size that was nowhere near close, and the entire dress was sewn lopsided! Now, I don't expect a Halloween costume to be of the highest--or even decent--quality, but I do expect the sleeve openings to be sort of close to the same size. I wore the costume. It wasn't pretty, and it certainly wasn't flattering, but I wore it. Had I had the opportunity to try it on, I never would have purchased it. I would have found another one that was sewn a bit more symmetrically, and in the proper size.

So, we skip ahead to this year. Having been burned several times in the past, I decide not to buy online. Unfortunately, that means I'm left with only a meager selection of skanky cops, slutty red riding hoods, and store-bought zombies (and there's nothing sadder than a store-bought zombie. Seriously, just rip up something from the thrift store--it'll have more personality). A few generic sequinned slips and satiny catsuits (cause those are flattering) dot the aisles, but very little else. For fun, I tried on a random costume, based on what the online size chart recommended. I grabbed a sexy Robin (Yes, Batman's sidekick) in a size Large, and headed for the dressing rooms. It was entirely too big. Like, I would have to take it up several inches in the waist. In addition, it looked absolutely nothing like the costume pictured on the package. I'm not going to lie, it was cute, but it didn't fit and it wasn't what was advertised. Had I plunked down fifty bucks to order it off the website, I'd have been royally miffed.

Most likely, I won't buy a costume this year. Maybe, if I can find a good enough coupon, I might get a superhero corset and tutu (cause that's all they've got) and modify it to be trick-or-treater friendly. At least I can make sure that each piece fits. The thing is, as much as I complain, poor Thomas has it even worse. There are even fewer guy options, and almost all of them come with a horrible, stiff muscle chest. Let me tell you, those things hurt, and they really limit your range of motion. He won't order online, either, because of the sizing issue. He's a tall guy, and doesn't want to waste a fair amount of money on something that may very well be too short.

(And yes, we know we can return costumes, but rarely have we received them in time to do so. Either we won't have time to receive the new size, or the costume will have sold out, or it's not the size that's the problem, and we don't want to keep ordering and returning until we find something workable. Also, I really think that the order should be right to begin with. That's really the issue.)

So, I ask you: What do you think? Have any of you run into this problem, or is it more of a local thing? I'm just curious. We're heading to Florida soon, and may try to run in some Halloween stores down there. Is it worth the time and effort, or are we just going to run into the same selection? Does anyone have any tips for ordering online? Maybe I'm just doing it wrong. Anyway, leave a comment and help a girl out. Thanks!