Gimme an R-A-N-T! Whaddaya Got? RANT!!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, brace yourselves, for I am filled with righteous indignation! That's right! This is a RANT!!

This is an article that I came across today on Facebook, and it is absolutely infuriating. The tl;dr version is this:

A high school marching band took the field for their halftime program. At the beginning of the first song, the coaches brought the teams back onto the field. Over seven minutes remained on the clock. When four minutes (and some change) still remained on the clock, the coaches began yelling at the band to get off the field. The parents in the stands started screaming, "Get the [expletive] band off the field". Then one of the coaches went so far as to begin shaking the junior Assistant Drum Major's podium, in an attempt to drive the band off.

It was still halftime.

On Senior Night.

The administration claimed that the team would have received a 15-yard penalty if the band had not vacated right then, but that's not entirely true. Halftime lasts for twenty minutes, and then an additional three minutes are allotted for warm-up. At the time this occurred, the original twenty minutes were not up. In addition, the
principal had already discussed the possibility of an overage (due to it being Senior Night) with the referees and opposing team, and it had been approved. The team would have received a penalty if they'd missed their additional three minutes, but not until that time. I feel it's also worth mentioning that this team had only won one game over the entire season. The band recently received a national award.

In a lovely little bit of irony, the penalty would have, officially, been for "unsportsmanlike conduct". 'Cause, you know, trying to knock a teenager off of a podium because they didn't finish their halftime show five minutes before halftime ended is sportsmanlike.

For what it's worth, the football players had nothing to do with this, and many expressed that they felt badly about the incident. This rant is in no way concerning the football team. This is about the administration, coaches, parents, their lack of respect, and the fact that this is not an isolated event.

As a former band member and the sister of a current high school band member (non-marching at the moment, but that's probably going to change soon), I know what these kids go through for their art--and it is an art. Have you see Ohio State?

When I was in my school's color guard (I can't play an instrument to save my life), we started off with a week at sleep-away flag camp. There, we twirled for, roughly, eight hours a day. The food was so horrible that we ended up living off the camp's peanut butter and jelly bar (yes, that's a thing), and were so weak and starved that our chaperones kidnapped us and took us to a buffet, where no one could eat without getting sick. Did I mention this took place during a hurricane, and we had refugees staying at the camp, too? We twirled in the hurricane. No kidding.

Next came band camp. Again, we twirled from about seven or eight in the morning until five or six at night. We did get lunch, but that was the only break. A time or two, we were able to go home for dinner, but had to come right back and stay until eight or ten at night. This lasted for several weeks, and was grueling. This was over the Summer, which stays in the mid-90s to low-100s with 100% humidity. Kids passed out. It also rains like crazy throughout the season (read: year), but we kept practicing in the mud. We were told to stop twirling if your pole turned blue and the hair on your arms raised, and then to throw the pole away from you, because you were getting struck by lightning. Until then, keep twirling. (note: I don't know the science behind that, but that's what we were told.)

Then, there's marching season. For us, that meant bus trips on buses that broke down or caught fire (seriously), then waiting for the school to convince the nice "Spirit Bus" that the football players, cheerleaders, and alumni rode on to turn around and come get us. This meant stale fast food when the players got steak dinners before each game. This meant riding all the way to Podunk, AL, just to have the opposing team tell us we couldn't play because it irritated their team. This meant having parents and coaches yell at us because they were losing, we existed, and they needed a scapegoat.

During all of this, and for months after, there are classes, private lessons, after-school rehearsals, during-school performances, competency tests, and, Lord Almighty, competitions. Those are a-whole-nother rant, in and of themselves.

The thing is, no matter how badly we were treated, or how uncomfortable we were, or how jangled our nerves, we kept playing. We kept doing our best because it made us proud. We were also very proud of our team, and wanted to support them. They were darn good, and a win for them was a win for us.

Now, I wasn't at this game. I didn't see this happen, but not only do I not doubt it, I'm not surprised by it. What makes it truly sickening is that the offense was perpetrated not only by the band's own school, but by adult authority figures and parents, all of whom should know better. These are the people who are supposed to be teaching these children--yes, children--how to behave in public, and how to treat other people. These are the same disciplinary figures who issue detentions at school and groundings at home. How in the [expletive] are these kids supposed to take them seriously now? More importantly, if we can't count on either school or parents to set good examples for today's kids, who can we count on?

I just...I have no idea.

***Editor's note: It has come to my attention that 15 yards can make or break a game, and that an unapproved half-time overage can result in fines. This is very true, and I felt it necessary to add. I still feel that the entire situation was handled very poorly by the school's administration, coaching staff, and parents. *** 

Zegen--wait for it--dary!

Photo Credit: Zegend of Lelda

If any of you guys are going to be in the New York area June 8-12 and have an extra $18 lying around, you might want to check out The Zegend of Lelda: A New Musical Presented in 8 Bits. It's from the creators of Oedipus for Kids, which I know nothing about, but I feel the title probably says it all. To me, it sounds like a can't miss.

Zegend is actually a fifteen-minute excerpt from the full musical, and is running as part of the 2011 West Village Musical Theatre Festival. From Broadway World:

Who can forget the first time they grabbed their pixelated sword, clutching a wooden shield while fighting off nightmarish monsters in order to collect some weird triangles and save the princess? Or the blinding glow of that golden video game cartridge as you screamed over the eight-bit soundtrack that you'd be down for dinner in just a minute, which easily turned into four hours? Now, one of the most epic and enduring video game series of all time is presented as it was meant to be: as a musical, on stage, and in a fully non-copyright-infringing manner. Join us for this Zegendary adventure, and all attendees who come in costume will receive a free feeling of satisfaction from dressing up in costume in a public place.


With music and book by Robert J. Saferstein and lyrics and book by Gil Varod, THE ZEGEND OF LELDA is a hysterical journey through the video game world in search of bored fairies, questionable power ups, and a chorus of singing deformed villains. Watch as the hero Zink (Ronen Bay) and his trusted friends Boomy (Zack Moody), Sierra Myst (Zoe Farmingdale), and Old Man (Sean Ward) fight to save Princess Lelda (Susanne Nancy Kobb) and the kingdom of Tall-rule from the evil Dannon (Steve Copps) and his Shmoblins (Steve Walker and Amy Van Deusen). Direction is by Ron Grimshaw. Piano and Musical Direction are by Brenna Sage. Featuring vocal arrangements by Scott Stein and guitar by Natalia Garrido Rosa.

Honestly, if I were going to be back in NY, I'd find the eighteen bucks. This is a great chance to see some up-and-coming talent performing new musicals with a variety of styles and subject matter, from some amazing new playwrites and composers. I checked out the line-up, and there is definitely something for everyone, and worst case scenario, the whole thing will be over in an hour and a half. I'm just going to hold my breath and hope there's a cast recording someday.

Tossing Sequins In Our Eyes: Burlesque Movie Review

Wow.

I almost made it through Burlesque last night. Almost. A little over an hour in, I caved. Now, I'm a musical kind of girl. My DVD shelves are littered with Camelot, How To Succeed in Business, Phantom of the Opera, Oklahoma (two versions--one with Hugh Jackman!), Rent, Chicago, Thoroughly Modern Millie, tons of Sondheim shows, and I want to say three copies of The Sound of Music. That's barely putting a dent in the collection. Some are good, some are bad, and some are so bad they're good. This one was just so bad it was hilarious, and I made it through Nine, for crying out loud!

I wasn't planning to do a full-on movie review, but why not? I've gotten this far. Let's see...the plot was cliche and totally predictable. A small town innocent packs up her dreams and moves to L.A. with nothing but a handfull of dollar bills and a photo of her dead mother (who will be shoved down our throats anytime there's a need for us to feel any sort of emotion toward said small town innocent). Ali (short for Alice) is somehow cosmically drawn to the seedy, but exceptionally well-choreographed Wonderland (yes, they went there) of the Burlesque Lounge, where she forces her way into a waitressing job, then ultimately onto the stage, where she is realized for the talent she is, and becomes the star of the show. Yay for Ali. Meanwhile, there's a boozy, witchy diva to outshine, and a love triangle between Ali, her best guy friend, and the handsome villain. Oh, lest I forget, they've also got to raise enough money to keep the Burlesque Lounge out of foreclosure. I couldn't tell you if they beat the bank, since I never made it that far, but I'd bet money those plucky dancers saved the day, and probably at the very last second.

It's a train wreck, but Lordy, it's a fun train wreck. The choreography is fantastic, the numbers are hysterical (in a good way) and down-right hot. I don't personally care for Christina Aguilera's style of singing, but you can't argue that the girl's got pipes. Cher sounds amazing, and her heartfelt solo, "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me", would be absolutely wrenching in any other less ridiculous context. I also admired the placement of the musical numbers. So many movie musicals have people inexplicably bursting into song. Here, all numbers were confined to the stage, and had dramatic purpose. If only this could have been an all-star Burlesque show! How awesome would that have been?!

Since they did make it a movie, with actors and dialogue and all that jazz, at least they got Stanley Tucci. I swear, that man makes everything better. Poor Peter Gallagher and Alan Cumming were completely underused. I kept hoping and praying they'd let Alan Cumming do something onstage; then they did, and I remembered to be careful what I wish for. Eric Dane makes for a charmingly sleezy bad guy, and Cam Gigandet, as love-interest, Jack, is ruggedly vulnerable, and looks very nice without a shirt. Christina Aguilera is not an actress, but you could tell she really put some effort into her acting, and I have to give her credit for that. Honestly, the writing didn't do anyone any favors. Not to post spoilers, but when all the "good guys" in the movie have sufficiently creeped you out, it's time to turn off the DVD and see what's streaming on Netflix.

This is a movie to laugh at, not with. I don't say that to be mean, either. This is the kind of movie that I can see people giving the Rocky Horror treatment. There are dozens of fabulous, glittery ensembles for cosplay, catchy songs for sing-alongs, and laughably fun lines to yell back at the screen. Case in point, my favorite of the movie: "If you fall off the stage, legs extended, boobs up!" Really, I think that pretty much sums up the whole film. It may be short on substance and long on style, but it plays that style to the gaudy, glamorous, rhinestone encrusted hilt.

Final Verdict: 2 out of 10. Make it a group night, pile on some glitter, and fast forward to the numbers.

Now, for the real reason for this post. Ali wears some excruciating gorgeous Louboutin's in the film:

Photo Credit: Third Avenue Princess

They don't exist in the real world (custom made for the movie, sad to say), but I found two great sites for seriously discounted real Louboutin's. Click here or here to get a pair for as little as $107 (still too rich for my blood, but definitely affordable by comparison). Here's the pair I'm dying for:

Photo Credit: The Best Christian Louboutin Outlet

Everything Is Beautiful (In Its Own Way)

Sunday was the first day of Advent, otherwise known as the second busiest time of the year for us church musicians.  The busiest is Easter, what with Holy Week (I have another name for it, but I'd like to keep my job, so I'll keep it to myself) and all, but Advent is a close second.  My choir is working hard on some absolutely gorgeous music for the season, and I've already been assigned the first of my Midnight Mass solos.  With that somewhat taken care of, I turned my attention to the music I'm supposed to sing for my little informal charity concert.  In going through the karaoke tracks (eew.  I'm an accompaniment snob, I guess, but seriously...ewww), I learned a few things:

1.  Carols like to repeat themselves.  "White Christmas" is sung through in its entirety twice.  "Christmastime Is Here" and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" are almost completely repeated.  "Let It Snow" is the worst of the culprits:  it just repeats random verses at will.  Awesome. 

2.  Over the past ten years, I have performed "O Holy Night" no fewer than nine times.  In all that time, I have never learned the second verse.  Period.  I have absolutely no clue how it goes.  I'll probably have to turn in my chorister's robe for this grievous oversight.

3.  "Santa Baby" latches onto your brain like a howler monkey.  I can not shake it, no matter how hard I try, and after a while, it ceases to be cute.

I will say, though, that all this holiday music has really gotten me into the Christmas spirit.  But I also realize that not everyone observes Christmas.  Some people have Kwanzaa, some have Hanukkah.  Heck, a few of my friends observe Festivus ("for the rest of us!"), and others are excited for the Winter Solstice.  To each their own.  So, in the spirit of wintertime celebration unity, here's the first of a series of posts with treats for holidays other than Christmas.  Today, I have a list of some interesting Menorahs.  Some are stunningly beautiful, and others (like the one below)...well, there's something for everyone.

 

Photo Credit:  NY Daily News

Yep.  Hannukah:  There's an App For That!  Actually, this is kind of a neat little app.  It automatically lights the correct number of candles, and the "wax" melts over time.  You can also light the candles manually by tapping, and bask in the warm glow of the season as beautiful Hebrew blessings play.  Best of all, a portion of proceeds from the app will be donated to the San Francisco Jewish Community Center.

Visions of...AAAAHHHH!!

Wednesday is singing day. I have my voice lesson in the morning, then in the evening after work, I run off to rehearse for my second gig--and a terrific one for a young professional (I'm a very lucky little soprano)--as a church soloist.

This is the day I most often find myself humming Gounod and Donizetti, and since my lessons are at my alma mater, fondly remembering rushing around the halls, dressed as The Queen of the Night or Yum-Yum. I loved the random "evening gown afternoons" when we had formal recitals during weekdays for some odd reason or another. Nothing like putting on taffeta, sequins, and full makeup at 2pm on a Tuesday.

 So, with visions of sugarplums...no wait, wrong fine art...er, suicidal geishas? No. Um...two-timing gypsy tramps? Wow. No. Geez...innocents accidentally murdered by their hunchback fathers? Good Lord, these composers were psychotic!! So, um, with visions of...ahem...singer people in fancy costumes (yeah, that's the ticket!) dancing in my head, I hit the Met Opera website to gawk at all the pretties in the gift shop. I thought this travel makeup bag was too cute for words, and actually a practical find. At $18, it's also one of the more affordable items available. It sure would have come in handy on Taffeta Tuesdays, and may have to come to my house before my next trip out of town.

Photo by Metropolitan Opera