The Obligatory Twilight Post

If there's one thing Peanuts taught me, it was that there are three things you should never discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin. Well, Linus needs to add a fourth thing to that list: Twilight.

Apparently, with Twilight, you either hate it with an unbridled passion, or you're ready to build a religion around it (and, in that case, see above list). For example: my best friend loves this stuff. Can't get enough of it. Read all the books, saw all the movies (thus far), the whole shebang. My husband, on the other hand, hates it. When we rented the first movie, somewhere around the baseball scene, Thomas actually got up and performed a (sort-of) raindance to try to make the movie go away. He's an entertaining fellow, that one.

I refuse to state my Twi-hard status. Whether I'm Team Edward, Team Jacob, or whatever, is none of anyone's business (actually, I'm Team Brendon. The actor who played the werewolf in our movie was such a sweetheart and good sport that I couldn't help but want to adopt him. Seriously, anyone who can wear long sleeves, jeans, a letterman jacket, fur, wig, and prosthetics in 100-degree heat while running around like a maniac, and not only not complain, but actually crack jokes in-between takes is tops in my book). I don't want to alienate anyone who does or does not agree with my view on such a polarizing topic, so I'm keeping mum. In fact, I'm only writing this because Halloween is drawing ever nearer toward us, and I know that some of you will be vamping it up and might like some help. That's why I'm here.

Alrighty, so with that, on to the post I've dreaded all October!

Now, we all know that Twilight vamps sparkle in the sunlight (we're only discussing Twilight vamps today. Please bear that in mind). Well, now you can, too! The degree of subtlety is up to you.

Level 1: For a little "everyday" shimmer, Olay Body Wash Plus Tone Enriching Ribbons is the way to go. Use it in the shower, and while you might not notice it right off, when you step outside, the light reflects off of teeny-tiny mica flecks, and your skin sparkles in the sunlight. Like diamonds. Well, okay, not that much, but enough, and it makes your skin soft. Just don't try shaving with it. $4.99, Walgreens.

Level 2: For "going out" shimmer, you can't go wrong with Tarina Tarantino from Sephora. I have not personally tried this, but the pictures I've seen and the consistently 4 and 5-star user reviews speak for themselves. Sparklicity Shimmer Dust (links to silvery pink, but also available in gold) is pure pixie dust, and should definitely give you that Cullen look without veering into total teeny-bopper territory. I would suggest spraying it in the shower, with the curtain closed, unless you just want sparkly carpet and walls. You can finish the look with a layer of Sparklicty Pure on your lids, cheeks, and in your lipgloss, if you're looking for hardcore sparkle. $39 and $19, respectively, Sephora.

Level 3: You want to be confused for a disco ball. Time to break out the stage make up. Ben Nye Glitz It Glitter Gel states:

Like a galaxy of sparkling diamonds, Glitz It combines holographic Opal Ice glitter in an invisible gel that quickly dries to a matte finish. Irresistible effects for face, hair, and body.

That sounds like a winner to me! Again, not one I've tried and I can't find any user reviews, but I trust Ben Nye (all of my personal stage makeup comes from them), and chances are, if it's good enough to show up on stage, it'll work for your Halloween party. If not, it's only $6, so you're not out much. Really, my best suggestion is to make a mad dash to the party store and buy a cheap-o can of spray glitter. That's actually what I'm planning to do for my ghost costume, and it sticks to clothes, too.

Okay, remember a week or so ago when I promised the DuWop Twilight Venom review? Well, here it is. I'm just not sure you're going to like it.

It's easily the worst lipstain I've ever used. Hands down, bar none, and I hate that. The people at DuWop are really nice, too, which makes it all the worse. I ordered mine about a year ago, I guess, and it took forever to come in. I mean, we're talking months. I finally gave up and called DuWop, and they could not have been nicer. It's also a very small company, so the few times I talked with anyone, it was always the same person. Actually, the second time I had to call, they recognized my voice and had my answer before I could even ask the question. I really can't say enough nice things about the company, itself. Unfortunately, I'm really having a hard time coming up with anything nice to say about the lipstain.

Um...the vial looks cool. It's a crimson stain and a clear, glittery liquid, that when shaken together represents the blending of the human and vampire worlds. It also looks like a lava lamp. I like lava lamps, so that's a good thing.

If you put the stain on very carefully, for a few minutes it is the prettiest shade of fuschia. It actually looks like a natural flush, as if you'd been biting on your lips or kissing for a while. It's really lovely.

And that's it. That's all I've got for the good. Now, for the bad.

Even if you put it on with the greatest care and the lightest touch, somehow this stuff manages to defy gravity and pools in the middle of your upper and lower lips, making it look like you've just drunk someone dry. I guess, if you're going for a vamp look, that could be good, but it doesn't work for me. Actually, it also looks like I've been eating a cherry popsicle and just left it between my lips for too long. Again, not a good look.

The glitter doesn't show up. It's a matte stain, and it dries out your lips really badly. It also doesn't plump at all. It does smell like cinnamon, though, which is pleasant.

If you just slap it on straight out the vial, it's practically hot pink, and not crimson, like you would gather from looking at it. You really have to work hard to make this look good.

If you make a mistake, you better have makeup remover on hand, otherwise, it's there forever. If it gets on your fingers, it stays on your fingers. It does not, however, stay on your lips. In two hours, I reapplied four times.

So, if you insist on buying it (it is Twilight, after all), here's how to apply it, so as not to look like a cannabalistic clown:

1) Prep lips by exfoliating and applying a balm (or every flake or crack will be magnified).

2) Apply a clear lipliner to prevent feathering ('cause it will, and badly).

3) Drain as much of the excess product off of the wand as you possibly can.

4) LIGHTLY apply to the outer portion of your lips. It'll fill in the middle on its own.

5) Press your lips together to evenly distribute.

6) Reapply balm after the stain has dried.

Lather, rinse, and repeat as needed. For a darker look, fill in your lips with a coordinating pencil before applying the stain.

Seriously, save yourself the trouble and just get CoverGirl Outlast Lipstain. It's a lot more moisturizing, comes in a magic marker form so you can't screw up, and actually lasts. It'll save you a lot of money, too. Venom is $16. This stuff runs about $7. Beware, though, the biggest customer gripe (mine, too) is that the color on the marker does not match the color inside, so try a tester, if at all possible.

Thus ends the obligatory Twilight post. Please be nice in the comments. Thanks!