Friday, September 10, 2010

Hint, Hint. Wink, Wink. Honk, Honk. Say No More!

I'm a girly girl.  My cell phone is pink with a disco theme, and has alternating Lily Allen and Blondie ringtones.  My hot pink iPod has rhinestone earbuds, and while I don't have a Bedazzler, I do have jewel glue, and I know how use it.  But, even with all that, this is too girly for me.   
Yep.  Those are eyelashes.  On a car. 

And that's the crystal "eyeliner" (sold separately).
Photos by Turbo Style Products

Lord, help us.  These CarLashes were created by visual effects artist, Robert Small, who has contributed to the films Apollo 13 and Titanic, and the Universal Studios attraction Terminator 2: 3D.  Prices are $24.99 for the lashes, and $19.99 for the eyeliner, and both can be applied to most cars.  Simply provide the make and model of your car, and the appropriate style will be sent to you.  The lashes are made of heavy, flexible plastic and are attached with 3M tape.  They are designed to handle regular driving and car washes, won't damage your paint job, and can be easily removed by peeling off the tape.  

CarLashes come to us from Turbo Style Products, a brand new company out of Utah.  Their mission is to become "THE leading supplier of female automotive aftermarket products."  I don't know.  Maybe it's just me, but that sounds more than a little condescending.  I can't really think of anything I need in my car that my husband doesn't need in his.  I mean, what's next?  A glittery tampon dispenser next to the CD player, maybe?  As I mentioned earlier, I love pretty shinies, but within reason.  I don't need my jumper cables to sparkle, or my tire jack painted pink, thank you.  I just need them to work.  

Yeah, sure, it's cute in the picture, but can you imagine this in the real world?  "I'm sorry, officer.  I didn't mean to hit that power pole, but I could have sworn that car winked at me."  Oh, that'd go over well.  

Now, I'm sure there are some good points to this.  Your car would be much easier to find in a parking lot (if you parked facing out).  Your husband/boyfriend/dad/brother won't ask to borrow your car very often. me out here...uh...small children will be delighted to think you know Thomas the Tank Engine?  

Well, they did give me a good giggle today, if nothing else.  So, would any of you put these on your car?  Let me know in the comments.  

Now, today, in lieu of the magic bag o' samples, I thought I'd share an outright product review.  If you're a long time Adorable Napalm reader, you know by now that I'm a member of BzzAgent, a word-of-mouth marketing company.  The way it works, BzzAgent sends me a product, I try it, and then tell everyone I know what I thought about it.  If I like the product, great.  If not, that's okay, too.  All they ask is that I be honest.  Well, this time around, they sent me Garnier Fructis Style Sleek & Shine Blow Dry Perfector, and I'm afraid you're all going to get a whole lot of honesty from me.

I hate it.  Now, hate is a strong word, and one I rarely use in product reviews, but this time, it's the nicest way I can express how I feel.  According to Garnier:
Now you can achieve the perfect, bouncy-blow dry. One application of this innovative, 2-step smoothing kit.
. Tames frizz
. Keeps hair smooth and shiny
. Provides easier, faster blow dries
. Lasts 7 shampoos
I was actually looking really forward to this.  Being from the land of humidity so thick you need a straw to breathe, I have been on a hunt for anything that might help with frizzies.  I have thick, wavy hair, and it has a mind of its own--and a twisted mind, at that.  This really looked like my saving grace.

Eagerly, I tore open the box, and read the instructions.  "What?  You have to wait two weeks before or after coloring?  My hair appointment is next week!  Oh, man!"  So, I waited.  And waited.  And waited.

Finally, the now three week wait was over, and I could have the frizz-free hair I'd been dreaming of!  I opened the box, read the directions (again), put on the enclosed gloves, and opened the 20-minute smoothing serum.  And nearly threw up.  They warned that there could be an odor, but that's normal because of the active ingredients.  It smells like a wet dog had his fur permed, then decided to run through a chemical plant.  It's godawful, and it only gets worse the longer you have it on.  My entire house reeked of this stuff.  It gave me a headache, and my poor husband was more than a little relieved when the 20 minute application time was up. 

I jumped into the shower, and furiously began to rinse all of the ick out of my hair.  It still stank to high Heaven.  Then, I towel dried my hair and went to the sink for phase two, the heat-activated perfect-it cream. 

This smelled more like the Garnier I know and love.  It has their signature apple scent, and felt nice going on--like a leave-in conditioner.  Unfortunately, the stink from the earlier serum overpowered the apples, and within seconds, I smelled, once again, like that unfortunate dog.  Oh, well.  Maybe blow-drying would help?

Nope, still gross.  Also, my blow-drying time was not shortened, and my hair looked exactly the same as it always does when I blow dry it.  It was straight, but still frizzy.  I looked at the instructions, and it suggested using a flatiron to thoroughly straighten the hair.  Well, duh.  If you use a flatiron on hair, it straightens it, whether it's been treated with this stuff or not!  I was miffed.  Not only was my hair no better off than before, now it smelled putrid.  Great.

That night, the smell kept me awake. 

The next morning, I decided to use my curling iron to see if the heat would activate the product and smooth my frizz.  It helped some, but no more than usual.  Thankfully, my hairspray covered up the stench. 

The next morning, I just left it.  It had finally stopped smelling, and since I knew I was going to exercise after work, I figured it'd be fine in a ponytail. 

This morning, I got up, washed my hair, and rassafrackin' *expletive(s) deleted*, the stupid rotting corpse smell returned!!  Noooo!!!  I blew it dry, and I swear it took longer than usual, and the frizz was out of hand.  I had to put another smoothing product on it, which, at least, helped cover the odor.  I didn't have time to curl it, so I just left with awful, frizzy hair.

So, here I sit, frizzy and ticked off, writing this review.  I hope to God this stuff doesn't last seven shampoos.  The smell might kill me.  I could tell you pricing and availability, but save your money, save your time, and just invest in decent shampoo and a flatiron.  Trust me, you'll be much better off.


  1. OMG! You know what this sounds like... a good old fashioned straightener... which is a perm that you brush in and keep brushing (why back in the 80s and early 90s I use to do this for my friends). I'd do several washings and see if you can get it out. Oh, the things we do for beauty! Men just don't know how good they have it.

  2. Don't worry. It says in big letters that it's not a chemical straightener. It's safe for color-treated hair, and basically, it's done nothing. My hair's not even all that straight today, and that's with blow-drying. It's just a waste of time and money, but no actual damage has been done. It just smells awful. :)

  3. GAAH. that. sounds. awful.

    and frankly, it makes me so freaking grateful to live in a place where autumn's humidity levels are regularly in the 20-percent range. my straightening iron once or twice a week is usually all i need.

    you are quite intrepid indeed to go through something that arduous just to warn us off that god-awful stuff.

  4. You are so lucky! As for being intrepid, I'm just going to say it seemed like a good idea at the time... :)


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