Slim Pickings

Photo Credit: drugstore.com

The other day, I walked through Target's sliding glass doors, and immediately felt a cold chill shimmy up and down my spine. As I shivered, I looked to my left and saw row upon row of multi-colored sugary chicks, ducks, and bunnies. To my right, a half-dozen racks of the skimpiest bathing suits known to man. Spring is here. I'm going to have to wear *gulp* SHORTS! ARGH!!!

Before you argue that I might be able to get away with capris or something in a nice linen, let me remind you that I live about as far South as one can get without swimming or entering another country. We have what is known as a "semi-tropical" climate. That sounds nice, doesn't it? "Semi-tropical". It makes you think of relaxing on sugar-sand beaches, sipping a fruity, rum-filled concoction while the sound of tin drums lilts past on a breeze. IT'S A LIE! Yes, we have a gorgeous beach and plenty of rum, but there is no breeze. None. Ever. We occasionally have wind, but that's a whole 'nother deal. There is heat. There is humidity. There is sweatin--er, glowing, and praying the air-conditioner doesn't go out like it did last year. There is the knowledge that you will have to change clothes at least once during the day, and most likely take two showers. I honestly believe that the Alabama Welcome Center should issue all tourists a pair of flip-flops and a personal fan upon crossing the border, along with a heartfelt, "Good luck, you're gonna need it." And that's just May. By August, it's a wonder we're all not in jail for indecent exposure.

No, shorts, skirts, rompers, and sundresses make up my closet during the Spring and Summer months. As I've already broken out the capris and tank tops, it's becoming painfully obvious that the next step will be sunless tanner and an increased diet and exercise regimen. I also thought that it might be a good time to address the, admittedly minor, cellulite on the thighs. It's not bad, but it's got to go.

After a few minutes of research on Total Beauty (my go-to site for user reviews), I had my skin-firming cream choices down to four: Nivea, Almay, Olay, and Jegens. Each had great reviews and was featured on the site's top skin-firming creams list, and they were all in the very budget-friendly $7-$12 range. Whichever was in stock was the one I'd go with.

That turned out to be the Jergens ($7.49, drugstore.com). I took it home, and used it the very next day after my shower. According to Jergens, this product:

"Reduces the appearance of cellulite for visibly firmer skin. Jergens^® Skin Firming Daily Toning Moisturizer gives cellulite-prone skin a more toned and tightened look.

• Clinically proven to reduce the appearance of cellulite
• Exclusive anti-cellulite Firm Perfecting^® Complex is comprised of six key ingredients known to improve skin's resiliency, elasticity and firmness including collagen, elastin and ginseng."

According to me: I have been using this product for a week. Obviously, that's not enough time to see full results, but it is enough time to evaluate the rest of the products attributes. So, let's do that.

Texture: This is a very lightweight lotion, which is perfect for this climate. The last thing you want is a heavy cream melting and dripping down your thighs. It's un-ladylike. However, for such a light lotion, it is very moisturizing. My skin feels hydrated and fresh. My one qualm would be that, while the lotion is not at all sticky or tacky, it does give your skin a slight amount of traction. I had a devil of a time pulling my jeans on this morning. They weren't tight jeans, and I'd given the lotion a good ten minutes, or so to dry. Verdict: 8.5 out 10. (Would have been 9, but I was late for my voice lesson because of it. That's not cool.)

Scent: There's not one, really. If you try very hard, you can almost smell a vague, but fresh and clean fragrance. I love this, because it doesn't compete with my perfume. Verdict: 10 out of 10.

Skin-Firming Properties: Now, as I said, a week isn't long enough to truly make a stand on this. Also, there is nothing, aside from surgery, that will truly remove cellulite. The best I can hope for is some smoothing, so the dimples aren't as noticeable. Please note, I'm nowhere near the "cottage cheese" level of cellulite. I'm more like a nice brie: a little soft, a little squishy, but relatively smooth. Plus, brie just sounds nicer (and tastes amazing baked with a little strawberry preserves or caramel sauce and some pecans...which is probably why my legs look like this to begin with). Anyhoo, I've applied the lotion to my entire body once daily, taking extra care to massage a little extra into problem areas (thighs, bum, stomach, and upper arms). I can honestly say that I have notice a slight difference. My skin feels smoother in those areas, and the overall tone is improved. Are the dimples still there? Well, yes, of course, but I can tell that there is hope for the overall appearance. The dimples may never go away, but at least there's a chance they'll lighten up enough to not be embarrassing. Verdict (for the moment): a very optimistic 6 out of 10.


Temporary Verdict (as I will update this in the future): 8.2 out of 10. Very promising, and a darn good lotion either way.