Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Everything I Need To Know I Learned From The Walking Dead (SPOILERS!)

Photo Credit: IMDb
With the season finale mere days away, I'd like to reflect upon some of the important lessons I've learned about surviving a zombie apocalypse, and in some cases, about life in general. Be ye warned, there be spoilers ahead!


If you have not caught up on the series (and I mean THE WHOLE THING), you will be spoiled! Do not continue!

Are you still here? Have you seen all three seasons? If not, STOP READING!!

I mean it.


Are we all good? Okay. Continue.


Don't say I didn't warn you.

Here we go.


Use Your Inside Voice
Want to attract walkers? Yell. That'll do it. Take a lesson from our dear, departed hitchiker buddy, and shut your trap. Otherwise, you end up lunch, and someone else ends up with your supplies.

Go Medieval On 'Em
Much like you need to be quiet when speaking, you also need to be quiet while fighting. Consider taking an archery course at the local community center, or sign up for fencing. You never know when swordplay might come in handy.

Comb Your Hair and Fix Your Makeup
Apparently, in the zombie apocalypse, razors, deodorant, toothpaste, lipgloss, shampoo, hairspray, curling irons, and a complete (and stylish) wardrobe will still be at your disposal. I've never seen anyone carry more than a small sack, so I'm guessing magic carpet bags are handed out when the plague begins. Of course, this only applies to women. Men get to wear the clothes on their backs while they slowly morph into Grizzly Adams.

Horde Tampons
Oddly enough, those don't come in the magic bag. I'm sorry, but I don't want to have to make a supply run and risk dying over panty liners. 'Nuff said.

Stay In the House, Carl
And Sophia. And Andrea. And Daryl. And...well, everyone else, at sometime or other. Wander off, and  you're likely to end up left, shot, or turned. None of those options are pretty.

Listen To Your Girlfriends
If your boyfriend is so hated by all of your friends that one of them actually begs you to kill him in his sleep, perhaps you need to reevaluate your relationship. Just sayin'.

Crazy Is Subjective
What constitutes crazy in a zombie apocalypse? Seeing visions of your dead wife? How 'bout just a phone call from her? Keeping a barn full of walkers? What about just chaining your zombified kid up in the closet? Or just keeping a few heads around to decorate the aquarium? How nuts is too nuts in this new world?

It's a Small World After All
No matter which direction or how far you travel, you will always, without fail, run into everyone you've ever met. Unless you want to. Then you're up a creek.

Gasoline is EVERYWHERE!
You will never run out. Cars are everywhere, brimming with beautiful petrol to get you wherever you want to go. There is a veritable cornucopia of functioning, full, comfortable automobiles to fulfill your every need. Unless you actually need to get away in a hurry. Then you're up a creek. Again. (Also applies to ammunition.)

Think Outside of the Box
Sometimes you just need to improvise. Don't have a weapon and need to kill a walker? Grab a nearby rock and curbstomp the sucker! This show has also given me a new perspective on engagement ring shopping. *shudder*

What have you learned? Please share with the rest of the class in the comments below. You could save a life.

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