Thursday, March 14, 2013

Ode To a String Bikini

I bought a bikini. Not just any bikini, but an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, Victoria's Secret string bikini. In grape.

For the record, I have absolutely no business wearing an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, Victoria's Secret string bikini in any color. Then again, to quote Thomas, "most people don't". Please note that he did not agree with me that I didn't. He's a smart man who wishes to continue breathing.

Honestly, I have no intention of ever wearing this bikini out in public. That's not why I purchased it. For months, I have been less than happy with my physical appearance. I'm not going to say weight, because I'm actually right smack dab in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height. I'm curvy where I'm supposed to be curvy...and, unfortunately, also where I'm not. I've gotten a little lackadaisical in my diet and exercise routine (read: I don't have one--I like to eat popcorn and watch Bar Rescue in the evenings, snuggled up with my hubby and puppy. Sue me.), and I needed a kick in the pants to make myself tone up and slim down a smidgen. Hence, the bikini.

I've always been a flat-tummied, flat-chested dancer with hips and thighs. Most girls "blossom" in their teens. Me? I waited until I was in my late twenties, then freakin' bloomed everywhere overnight. I went from an A to a C, ladies. That's crazy. Oh--and I was still dancing, so that isn't what did it. It was strictly genetics playing a cruel joke. My wedding dress looked awesome (I practically spilled out of it), but we had to move some buttons over. Since then, I've been on a rollercoaster of dress sizes, and have only just, finally, come to realize that I don't need to be the four I've been my whole life. I have embraced the curves, and I think I look kind of hot, if I do say so myself. I'm just also a little cellulite-y and puffy, and I don't like it. I want to be able to put on this bikini, look at myself in the mirror and think: yeah! I can pull this off! Then throw on a pair of shorts over it before I head over to my Mom's pool. My goals are small, y'all.

So, I'm doing something about my situation. I've decided to force myself to exercise thirty minutes a day (which I should be doing, anyway), and I'm eating more fruits and vegetables. If I fill up on those, I can't fill up on my beloved carbs and calories. I've also picked up a skin firming moisturizer to, supposedly, help hide the cellulite (I don't even pretend to hope it will work miracles, but I'll take what I can get), and some self-tanner. It's not much, but it's a start. I'm not dieting. I'm trying to live healthier.

Oh--if I actually get in that bikini, I'll be sure to take a soon I toss on my shorts and a t-shirt.

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