Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My Mistletoe Manifesto

I have a dream, folks.  A dream that I might finish my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, so that I may partake of Black Friday on my own terms.  That I might be able to search for sales at my leisure, and not find myself locked in man-to-man combat over the last 75% off scarf/hat/mittens combo that, let's face it, no one is going to want, anyway.  I have a dream of not caring that the line at Starbucks wraps around the block, but happily waiting to get my traditional Egg Nog Latte (don't poke fun, it's not nice) because I have no time-frame or agenda to follow.  A dream of leaving the mall when I darn well feel like it, and dropping my stamped-and-ready Christmas cards in the mailbox on the way out.  I have a dream of spending Black Friday Night watching Miracle on 34th Street, wrapping my treasures and decorating my house and tree.  I have a dream, my friends, of actually having a happy holiday.  Amen.

Don't worry.  The Xanax will wear off eventually.

Actually, I am very close to finishing my Christmas shopping.  I have almost all of Thomas' gifts taken care of.  I still have anniversary to figure out, but that's another story.  (Note:  Never get married the week of Christmas.  Sure, it's pretty, but it's stupid.  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  Trust me.)  Mom's and Mother-In-Law's are on order, and my brother's is decided upon, leaving only my step-dad, grandfather, and best friend.  I found my wrapping paper at Target, on sale, and snapped it up.  Of course, I'm totally dreading trying to find all the Christmas decorations and ornaments in the storage locker, but that's par for the course.  All in all, everything's right on track.  Now, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy that until the inevitable derailment.

I'm going to have a Holly Jolly Christmas, by gum, and anyone who gets in my way gets this:
Photo Credit:  The Onion
No, it's not real.  Not yet, anyway, thank God.  This is one of a line of Decoy Gift Boxes from the Onion Store.  Imagine the look on sixteen year-old Suzy's face when she sees this "gift"!  Priceless!  Or the tantrum Conspiracy Nut Carl will throw over "Department of Homeland Security Cologne"!  Hahahaha!  I hope you've hidden the gun!  Anyhoo, there are seven to choose from, or sets of four and six.  One of these filled with something awesome would make the office Christmas party's Secret Santa game a lot more interesting.  Starting at $7.99, store.theonion.com. 


  1. i admire your organization. i, for one, look forward to the days of receiving a regular paycheck again, instead of this broke-student foolishness. christmas could NOT come at a worse time for a graduate student living off the largess of government loans: fall's disbursement is gone, and spring's doesn't show up until january. that pretty much means that christmas gifts from me consist of, "hey, you rock! thanks for being an amazing [friend, parent, classmate, lover, etc.]!"

    someday, things will be different...

  2. Yeah, things are going to be, shall we say, limited, around our house, too. But hey, the Holidays are about loved ones, not material objects. I always tell people I don't care what the gift is; it's the fact you cared enough to think about what I might like, go down to the store (or the computer) and spend your hard-earned money on it--be it $25 or 25 cents--that means the most to me. And heck, I'll take a Hey, You Rock over a Hey, You Suck any day of the week. :)


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