Does That Latte Come With Floaties?

If you look to the right side of the blog, in the "About Me" section, you'll find the words, "Coffee Addict". That's not completely hyperbole. I love a good cup of joe. Heck, I'll even drink a bad one, but I'll complain and act like a total snob about it. (Admitting it is the first step, right?)

 

I worked in a coffee shop all through college. My twenty-fifth birthday present was a really nice espresso machine. For the minute and a half I lived in New York, I worked at a chocolate shop as, guess what, a barista, and that's only after I turned down a job at Starbucks. I can tell if the espresso has set out for too long, or if it took too long to brew, and if I catch you putting cream and sugar in Jamaican Blue Mountain, I will glare at you.

 

At home, my Keurig and I have a relationship. It's probably not one that Thomas should worry about, but, in the event of a fire, it's getting grabbed on the way out the door, right after the picture albums, and maybe after the parakeets. Maybe.

 

I'm on a first name basis with employees at not one, not two, but three Starbucks in town, and I'm working on the fourth. I don't have a usual drink, but they know whatever I order will be decaf with skim milk. There's a Starbucks Gold Card in my purse, and while I may not know the PIN number to my investment company, I sure as heck remember my username and password to the Starbucks website. 

 

With all this in mind, you'd think I'd be psyched over the new 31-ounce Trenta size at Starbucks. The truth is, I really don't know what I think about it. I was going to order one today to test out for you guys, but frankly, it scared me. Instead, let's examine the pros and cons.

 

PRO: It's 31 ounces of coffee goodness.

 

It only comes iced, but that's great for Spring and Summer when it's a million degrees.

 

They only offer iced coffee and iced tea, and an iced coffee is quite a bit cheaper than an iced latte.

 

I sit in a recording booth for five hours a day. I'd never have to worry about running out!

 

It's rolling out in my state first! Yay! We never get anything first!

 

 

CON: It's 31 ounces, which is 16 ounces larger than the human stomach at rest. 

 

It only comes iced because it's too big to possibly keep hot.

 

I happen to prefer the iced latte to iced coffee. Of course, that's just personal preference.

 

I sit in a recording booth for five hours a day. How much of that would be re-appropriated to the restroom? 

 

Lastly, and this is the one that galls me, at least one site seems to be linking the Southern state roll-out to rampant obesity and laziness, and their commenters are running with it, adding in their own opinions that it's also due to our stupidity. We're not smart enough to know when we've had enough.

 

Well, guess what, I've had enough. As a Southerner who is neither fat, lazy, or dim-witted, I take major offense to the perpetuation of this stereotype. I don't know why Starbucks chose to begin this campaign in the Southern region of the United States, but I sincerely hope it was for reasons such as climate (hot weather equals cold drinks) or sales figures and store openings, and not because of ignorance and prejudice. I would think a major corporation would be smarter than a bunch of Internet posters, but I've been wrong before.

 

In any case, I'm working up the courage to try one. I'll get it decaf, with skim milk and Splenda, which should cut down on the calories. If any of you have the chance (and the nerve) to try one, let me know about it in the comments.