If You Decide To Paint the Sunroom: A Cautionary Tale

If you decide to paint the sunroom, you're going to have to take down the curtains and blinds.

When you take down the curtains and blinds, you're going to find that not all of the window trim is intact, and some of it doesn't even exist. You'll also see that none of the windows are completely straight, so blinds don't fit well. For a while, you won't have any window treatments, and your neighbors will get to know you quite well.

That's when you'll decide to frost the windows.

When you decide to frost the windows, you're going to need a dust mask, and white powder is going to blanket everything in the room. You'll have to keep a designated pair of shoes out there, so you don't track toxic dust into the house, and the dog will be afraid to walk through the room to get outside, so you'll have to carry him. The windows will look great, though, and you can finally get around to painting.

When you finally start to paint the sunroom, you'll notice what looks like water damage near the floor. You'll have to pull the carpet back to inspect. There won't be water damage (thank God!), but you will notice cracks and breakage in the subfloor. You'll need to rip up the carpet to fix it. Luckily, you were already planning to take up the carpet, so you go ahead and throw the carpet outside until the next trash day.

That's when it'll snow. In lower Alabama. For the first time in God knows how long.

When it snows (okay, ices) in lower Alabama for the first time in God knows how long, the trash schedule will be thrown completely out of whack, and you'll end up with wet, mildewing carpet on your courtyard for three weeks. It's okay, though, because the neighbor's cat will love to use it as a scratching post. At least now you can lay down the new floor.

When you go to lay down the new floor, you're going to find that it doesn't completely fill in the gap that the carpet left between the subfloor and the wall. When that happens, you're probably going to curse a bit, and then go to Lowe's to get transition pieces. While you're there, you can pick up that window trim you're going to need, some drywall tape and mud, and pick out a new light fixture and ceiling fan for the sunroom. You'll probably waste the remainder of the time you could have been working in the sunroom, but at least you'll have escaped the fumes from the window frost for a bit.

Once you have the transition pieces and window trim, you're going to realize that you can't use any of it until you've painted the walls. That's when you'll finally slap on the first coat of paint.

When you slap on the first coat of paint, it will become apparant that you'll need at least two more coats. That's when you'll have to go to Walmart to get another gallon.

When you get to Walmart, you'll find that everyone in the paint department is on lunch. While you're waiting, you'll notice that pool tables are on sale. You'll spend the next fifteen minutes on your phone, trying to see if you can get one delivered. You won't be able to, but the diversion will keep you from snapping. Eventually, a very nice, albeit disgruntled, manager will come and mix up your paint, and you can go home.

When you get home, you'll start painting again. Somewhere between the second and third coats, you'll discuss the possibilty of re-enacting The Shining with the chihuahua and his toys. That's when you'll realize that the fumes have gotten to you, and you'll open the outside door to let in some fresh air.

When you open the outside door to let in some fresh air, you're going to look out onto your patio and notice that it's uneven.

And when you notice the patio's uneven, you're going to want to level it.

And when you want to level it...

...you're going to admit that you need help and call a licensed professional to come out to your home and do it properly.

The End.

A Brief Interlude: Rant and Random Observations

I'm actually working on a "real" post right now, but thought I'd stop in for a sec for a mini-rant and some random observations.

*Begin rant...now

Why, in the name of all that is holy, is Halloween already being clearanced out?!?! Today is the 17th. That's...one, two, three...14 days before the actual holiday, and it was already on clearance over the weekend, so really...19 days before the actual holiday. The pop-up Spirit store didn't open until September, and nothing made it to Target or Walmart's shelves until the very, very, very end of the month (and even then it was only a few items). Christmas trees, on the other hand, have been on the floors for two weeks.

In addition to Halloween items barely being in stores, the selection has been godawful. I had to go to three stores before I found glow-in-the-dark nail polish, and then it was overpriced. In the past, I've found throw pillows, baking supplies, nice table linens, welcome mats--you know, decent decorating items--but this year, the best I could find was a clearanced out centerpiece at Michael's, left over from last year. I know that I've already ranted and raved over the lack of costumes in stores, so I won't go into that again, except to say this: my little brother needed a Batman mask for Homecoming Week at his school, and I told my Mom I'd pick it up for her. I eventually ended up in the toy department at Target, because I couldn't find one anywhere else. Let me say that again: I ended up in the toy department. Not the Halloween aisle. The toy department. That's just sad, folks.

Normally, I try to do a Halloween post per day in October. It's something that I really look forward to, but this year, I really don't have anything to write about. According to the merchants, Halloween is over, and it wasn't really worth dealing with, anyway. There aren't any awesome new costumes out this year, unless you count Sexy Captain America. I'm going to be a Despicable Me minion, but that doesn't require special makeup or hair. There was a great Toy Story Halloween special on last night, but aside from that, there's been very little holiday-specific programming. I'm just...I'm just disappointed.

I'm still going to try to post some Halloween-related things around here, but it's not going to be everyday. The post I'm working on now is a product review. I am going to attempt a makeup tutorial, but really have no idea what it'll be. Maybe a sugar skull? Thomas wanted me to do that last year, but I chickened out. Anyway, I should probably wrap this up. After all, there are only 68 days till Christmas, and I haven't even started shopping.

*End of rant.

Recently, I've learned and/or noticed some things that I thought I'd share with you.

If you cross my puppy, he will b**ch-slap you. Pardon the language, but I really don't know how else to describe it.

College kids look like babies. When did that happen?

Phone chargers work really well when you remember to plug them into both the wall and your phone.

I don't care how uncool or inauthentic it may be, I really like Olive Garden, and I could go for some fettuccine alfredo right now.

Equate Weight Loss Shakes may taste like Slim-Fast, but they are nowhere near as effective at controlling hunger.

I think I figured out why I'm craving Olive Garden.

All day long, I've had both Time Warp and Seasons Of Love stuck in my head. They keep alternating, so now, apparently, there are 525,600 ways to jump to the left and take a step to the right.

That's it for the randomness. Have a great day, and I'll be back with an honest-to-God post soon. Thanks!

Random Observations: Does This Count As a Vacation?

Okay, I've officially given up on the post I was attempting to write. The gist of it was: Essie Naughty Nautical nail polish is really, really pretty, and it lasts a long time. Just make sure you use a base coat, or it will stain your nails the color of mold, which is not a good look. I had photos, and they were actually halfway decent. Unfortunately, Blogger has decided that I am not to publish that post (at least, not in its entirety), so this is the best I can give you guys. I'm extraordinarily sorry.

But it is a darn nice polish.

It's teal.

I like teal.

Anyhoo, Thomas and I are getting ready to take Fighting Owl to the Pensacola Para Con next Saturday. C.U.P.I.D. is screening in the Birmingham Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival the next Saturday, and then we begin filming two microshorts in September. On top of that, my grandfather has been ill (but is doing much better, thank God!), so I've been a little busy trying to help my mom with him. I haven't been as much help as I would have liked, but, not to put too fine a point on it, I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Through my haze of chaos and general confusion, I've noticed some things, and I thought I'd share them with you. Mind you, they're completely random, and I'm running on caffeine and adrenaline. Consider yourself warned.



I've, quite literally, eaten Taco Bell for lunch every day this week. When did I go back to college?

Fish Eye Pinot Grigio is not half bad. I only felt slightly trashy dropping a couple of ice cubes in it. (It's hot down here, y'all. You do what you have to do.)

Wet 'N' Wild has come out with an eye shadow collection that contains a red--A RED!!!--and only costs $2.99 for a trio. The baby blue, peach, and matte brown trio is surprisingly wearable, and quite lovely.

Halloween decorations are already out. School hasn't even started yet. WTYouKnowWhat, man?

Staples wants seventeen bucks for a brochure holder that can also display DVDs. Big Lots had a desk organizer for six dollars, and it looks nicer and holds more. All it needs is a coat of spray paint to cover up the pink lining. DIY, baby!

Wearing jeans in August in Alabama is a stupid fashion choice. On the upside, I may have lost a couple of pounds of water weight.

If you start up a parked vehicle, put it in gear, and then immediately put it back in park--never taking your foot off the brake--the vehicle will still move. If you do all that and you're my brother, you will also come this close to running over your mother's foot.

This week, I've lost a hair clip, a pen, and the will to get off of my couch after 6pm. I really only miss the hair clip.

Until Monday night, I had not hemmed anything since 1998.

If you put something flat on the conveyor belt at Target and it gets sucked up into the counter, they can not get it back. Lord knows what you'd find inside if you cracked one open. You would, at least, find a pack of Goody hair barrettes.  



I think I need to go home and unscrew the cap on that bottle of Pinot Grigio. 'Night, everybody!

While I Was Out: Random Phone Pictures Edition!

As any of you who have been following for a while know, things are never quite "normal" at my house. For crying out loud, this happened in my backyard:

Krampus Peek-a-Boo! I see you!

That's my sweet, adorable hubby, by the way. He was the stunt double for our creature actor. Truth be told, though, I think he just wanted an excuse to run around the backyard and scare people. 

Now, that was back in...February? I think? Anyway, things are still bonkers around the Smith crib (see? I'm hip and with it), which is one reason I've been MIA so much around here. I thought, for fun, I'd sift through my camera phone pics and see what popped up. Maybe they'll better illustrate the weird.

So, we made a mascot head. This is (just the head) of Punchy the Fighting Owl. The rest of the costume is still in progress, but the hard part is done. In case you're wondering, we made the body out of insulation foam and a hard hat, the eyes out of layers of screen door mesh and acrylic paint, and the whole thing is covered in polyfill, felt, and furry cloth. Oh--and about 612 hot glue sticks. We ended up sort of making the whole thing up as we went along, but the inspiration for the design came from this Instructable.

No. I did not make my own DIY Redneck Wine Glass (sold in other stores for $15.99, apparently). We're in pre-production for a couple of shorts, so my "grocery" lists are a little...funky. I had to run into Dollar Tree to look for a laser pointer, a car phone charger, some rubber snakes, glass stones, paint supplies, and a fake goldfish. (Oddly enough, the hardest to find item on that list has been the bag of rubber snakes.) I saw this set-up and couldn't resist snapping a picture. Then, I went home and glued (no kidding) 436 amber rhinestones onto leopard material.

I know I've mentioned it about a gazillion times on here, but Thomas and I have been working really hard to clean up our backyard. Because we're gluttons for punishment, we decided to add a water feature to this strange little random patch of dirt that lay in the middle of a rockwork embankment. Here it is at the OMG-I'm-almost-finished-with-this-bleepidy-bleep-bleep-thing-and-I-ran-out-of-rock-! stage. It's finished now, though, so I'll have to take a picture and let you guys see it in all it's waterfall-y glory.

Good Lord, we need to power wash the courtyard! Here's Thomas, doing his best Vanna White impression to show off the piece de resistance in our backyard makeover: the movie screen. It was a DIY project, made from movie screen material bought off of Amazon, and some lightweight wood pieces from Lowe's. It took about five minutes to screw together the wooden frame, and then the fabric is just stretched over it and stapled. We've hung it onto a couple of fence posts using picture hanging hooks, and the screen lives indoors when not in use.

And, because I've just been so bored, I decided to completely renovate my closet. This is still at the "in progress" stage. I've still got a ways to go on organizing, and then I have to empty it all out and paint. Expect a blog post on this when it's done...if it's done...

And, most exciting of all, I took the puppy to the vet. Trust me, he wasn't anywhere near as happy as he looks.

There's a lot of really cool stuff coming up in the next few weeks. Fighting Owl Films is doing a panel at Pensacola Paracon, and then Thomas and I are (most likely) going to the Sidewalk Moving Pictures Festival. Our short, C.U.P.I.D., was accepted, so if you're in the area in August, you should go check it (and the rest of the festival--should be awesome) out. 

Have a great Monday, y'all!

"The Gnomes Are Popping Up Like Easter Eggs!!!"

Tuesday, we closed on the house and officially became homeowners. That, of course, meant that on Wednesday, a raccoon moved into our chimney, but that's another story. The very first Saturday in our very first house, Thomas and I got up uncharacteristically early and started working on our backyard.

We've actually been living in this house for over a year, but for some reason, working in the yard never really seemed like a priority until now. Go figure. Thomas and I don't spend a whole lot of time in our backyard, so I guess we just turned a blind eye, for the most part. As soon as those papers were signed, though, it was like a veil was lifted, and we realized we had two choices: A) clean up the yard, or B) start allowing urban explorers to film youtube videos on our "abandoned" property. We went with A, but there was some honest to God discussion on it.

Seeing as we're, more or less, landscaping virgins, this has been a definite learning experience. We're nowhere near finished with the project. In fact, we're at that "it looks worse now than before we started" stage. Still, I thought I'd share some of the "fun" lessons we've been taught.

• Ladders and gardening tools are ridiculously expensive, for no other reason than because they can be. Seriously, what's a ladder, really, besides a few pieces of metal welded together? Why on Earth is the cheapest one fifty bucks? Oh...because I can't reach my celing or gutters without one...that's why. A garden hoe is a broomstick with a flat piece of metal stuck on one end, and it's fifteen-freaking-dollars because I need it to break up the weeds and roots in my overgrown flower beds.
• Bamboo grows wild in Alabama. I had no idea. I thought maybe my mom planted it, because it was in a bed she planted when I was kid (we bought my childhood home, by the way. Not sure if I mentioned that before), but she seemed just as surprised as I was. It's a real pain in the you-know-what to pull up, too. I'm pretty sure bamboo is the devil.
• Much like bamboo springs up in my yard at random, so, apparantly, do gnomes. I found two yesterday. I've named them Laurel and Hardy.
• The trunk of a Nissan Versa can hold, at least, six large bags of drainage rock. Getting them out of the trunk is the hard part. (They're still in there. I think we may need to devise a pulley system.)
• This yard should have come with a Quija board. My dear, departed Dad built our courtyard (and drainage system, but that's another story, as well), and while it's lovely, it does have some idiosyncracies that I just can't quite figure out. For instance, there's an absolutely gorgeous rockwork walkway that leads to the courtyard. The sides are completely rocked over, save for one 2-foot by 3-foot (approx.) patch, which was left unrocked, and held a few planters. It's entirely random and makes no sense. I'm putting a fairy garden there, but I would love to know the real reason for its existence. He didn't just run out of rock, because the rock continues on either side of the patch. It's just random.  
• If you give my husband a chainsaw, he goes from Clark Kent to Bruce Campbell in 0.4 seconds. No shrubbery is safe.
• When spray painting, even in well-ventilated areas (like outside), wear a mask. I coated my sinuses in black paint, and, let's just say that my sneezes would make Sam and Dean Winchester think I was possessed by a Leviathan. Ew.
• On the subject of painting: never trust the label on an old can of paint. Just because it says "white", and you know for a fact that the house hasn't had trim that was any color other than white in several years, it doesn't necessarily mean that the paint is white. Check first, and make sure it's not, say, beige, before you waste an hour taping off a dozen windows for no good reason. Make sure you have a brush, too. (oops)
• After several hours of non-stop yard work, be prepared for people to look at you funny when, in your delerium, you burst into a fit of giggles--for no discernable reason--while stumbling around in the middle of the Walmart soft drink aisle. I'm fairly certain that if we'd tried to buy any alcohol on that trip, we'd have been turned down, and possibly escorted out of the building.

Hopefully, we'll get the hang of this soon. I'll keep you posted...

Random Observations and Hard Truths

Either I dress like a seventeen year-old boy, or there's a kid at the mall who dresses like a 32 year-old woman. In either case, it made for an awkward moment outside of Hollister last night.

Why do the owners on Bar Rescue get so bent out of shape over Taffert changing the name or redesigning the interior? He does that on every episode. Did they not watch the show before signing up? I could understand the first couple of seasons, but it's been on for a while now.

In my town, there is a cupcake shop next to a gym, and a Baskin Robbins next to a Weight Watchers. There's a special place in Hell for those sweet shoppe owners.

Pineapple-Banana smoothies and Pinterest-inspired single-serve salads are awesome. They make a fantastic lunch, and I feel so much healthier for eating that today. It was even better when followed by a Cadbury Caramel Egg.

I should consider joining that gym next to the cupcake shop.

Facebook is a complete and total productivity-sucker. That said, if I ever stopped scrolling through it, I might miss gems like this:

Photo Credit: Facebook (The Walking Dead Memes, via Rosemary Martin)
I laughed for about a minute.

The other day at Target, I saw two really cute belted dresses that I considered trying on...until I realized they were in the maternity section. Why are there belted dresses in the maternity section?

I really want a red velvet cupcake. Darn you, cupcake shop!

It costs as much today to go to a matinee flick as it did for my first date to take me to a nighttime showing. Thank God for Netflix.

A couple of weeks ago, I had to explain to my brother what life was like before the Internet. Ouch.

One of my brother's friends had never seen a rotary phone until he saw my mother's decorative princess phone. He asked how to text on it...and was serious. Double ouch.

Walgreen's only had 100+ sunscreen when I ran out of what I had and needed to buy another tube. I think I'm getting paler.

Thomas and I are buying a house, finishing a movie, preparing for a festival, and working our regular jobs. Whoever invented the frozen margarita in a bag, I salute you.

Taking Pictures Of a Dog Is Hard, Y'all

(ed. note: How's that for a post title? Took minutes of thought. Minutes, I tell you.)

Today's post is more of a public service announcement. With Spring now upon us (and the weather...well, as my mother puts it, it's not "being its best self"), Hurricane season is just around the corner, and God only knows how it's going to go this year. Oh, goody. If you have pets, please remember to take photos of them. In the event you're separated, a current photo greatly increases your chances of being reunited. /end of preachiness.

Last year was our first year with Ronnie, the wonder chihuahua, and as first-time puppy parents, we wanted to make sure we were completely prepared in the case of a storm. Thomas and I scoured the interwebs, read every Facebook post on the subject, and kind of drove ourselves crazy trying to make sure that little Ron Ron would never know a moment's discomfort. For those of you who haven't seen us around our little dude, he's spoiled and has us completely whipped. It's the eyes. And the ears. Man, I can't say no to those little ears. Could you?

Just take it! Whatever it is you want, just take it!

Now, I take a lot of pictures of my tiny guy (Lord, how bad are we going to be when we have a human child?), but they're generally silly pictures of him sleeping in a weird spot or wearing something ridiculous (he has a shark costume...). I'm pretty sure those weren't the kind of pictures that the news anchors meant when they said I needed a current photo of my dog. They are, on the other hand, the kind of pictures that make awesome screensavers.

"I'M A SHARK!!!"



So, with that, I set out to take a really good, really normal, photo of the Ronniebutt:

"DID YOU HEAR THAT?"

"SHLURRRP!"

"AAAHCHOOO!"

"SERIOUSLY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?!"

"OH. HI. WHAT?"

"MODELING IS SO HARD.  NIGHT NIGHT."

Oh well, I'll try again this year.

This Is Why I Prefer To Be Nice Sandy

This morning, I dressed and did my makeup as cute as I possibly could, because I was certain I was going to have my mug shot taken.

No, I haven't done anything illegal. Well, it's possible that I may have at one time, but that's up for debate, and it was nothing that warranted arrest (see what I did there?). In short, I received a speeding ticket a few weeks ago. Whether it was deserved is not relevant, but I do think I could have contested it. I didn't for two reasons: A) it was my word against his, and B) my little brother is getting his learner's permit very soon, and I felt it was a good lesson for him to see that his actions have consequences. If his fuddy duddy ol' Sis can get a ticket, so can he. Of course, I didn't want this "teachable moment" to affect my insurance, so I opted to go to Driving School. I went in person, signed up, paid my exhorbitant fee, attended the class, signed all my papers, received my certificate, and was told I had no further obligations and the school would send all of the paperwork to the courthouse.

They didn't.

I called to make sure everything had gone through--just to ease my mind--and found out it hadn't. They had no record of my taking the class, my court date had passed, and I had to go downtown to straighten things out. I now know that this is not a big deal, but this morning I had no idea. I mean, it's not good, but it's not anything like I feared. I'd missed court! Was there a warrant? Would I have to go to jail? I've never even gotten a detention! How would I handle prison? Would I have to get a tattoo? If so, what would I get? Butterflies are nice. I guess I could get a butterfly. Or maybe my initials? I think you get the gist. Basically, I freaked the freak out. My mom was awesome and went with me to help me stay calm (and bail me out, if need be. I wouldn't last five minutes in jail), and the whole mess was over with in less than an hour. I showed my proof of attendance, they made a copy, and that was that. I didn't even have to be fingerprinted, and thank God for that. My nails would totally clash with the jumpsuit.

I'd planned to have a holiday nail look and mini-review for you today, but I'm going to leave that for you to look forward to tomorrow. Or not look forward to. Or possibly just ignore completely. It's up to you, really. I'll be here, either way. Have a lovely Tuesday, and stay out of trouble.

Frugal Friday: Cheap (or Free!) Last-Minute Costume Ideas

Wow!!! Halloween is only five days away, and Halloween weekend is upon us!! Over the next few days, some of you may find yourselves unexpectedly invited to costume parties, with no costume hanging in the closet. Oh, no! What to do?! I know the last thing I'd want to do is hit the costume/party/Halloween pop-up store the weekend before Halloween (no, thank you), so I did a little of what I like to call "Closet Shopping" to put together workable costumes out of items I already had lying around the house.

Yes, they are all kind of lame. No, it doesn't matter. It's Halloween. I think you might even get extra points for having a lame costume. Points for what, exactly? Not a clue. I just make this stuff up as I go along.

1. Tourist
Pull out the shorts, flip-flops, sandals, backpacks, fannypacks, and the loudest Hawaiian or theme park shirt you can find. Bonus points if the t-shirt has Marty Moose on it (again, no idea what the points mean. Just go with it). Sun visors, baseball or trucker caps, knee socks, and a dab of sunscreen on the nose (greasepaint or white cream makeup work, too) complete the look.

2. Proud Parent
You know how some Baseball dads and Pageant moms have t-shirts, noisemakers, and a dozen, or so, pins, posters, and the like? What if every club did that? A fun spin (and one not likely to offend any parents who may fit this description--mine did!), is to pick a club where a cheering section would be entirely inappropriate, like Debate, or Model UN. You know, where matches and meets are notoriously quiet and require deep concentration, and where most people show up in business attire. This one may require a trip to the craft store, but maybe not. If you're already a DIY-er,  you might already be all set. The basic costume is jeans and t-shirt. The fun comes in how you decorate that t-shirt, and what props you decide to carry--the louder and crazier, the better. Don't be afraid to use neon, rhinestones, and glitter, all at the same time. Proudly proclaim that you are a Scholar's Bowl Mom/Dad...foam finger and all!

3. Beauty School Dropout
You will need a cheap (five dollar-range) stylist's smock from the beauty supply shop, some spray in hair color from the drugstore or Walmart (look on the Halloween aisle. It's still much safer and far less crazy than going to a party store!), and foam rubber curlers. Spray your hair with whatever color you like (if you go for pink, you could also make a little nametag that says "Frenchie", and wear a pencil skirt or capris with cute flats under the smock), and roll onto the curlers. Then apply the tackiest makeup you can think of. I mean, make the eyes different colors and smear the lipstick (unless you're Frenchie, then stick with cute and 50s-inspired). This also works for guys, by the way. I'm just going to leave you with that mental image.

Have a great weekend!!! 

"Honey, Remember To Tip Cogsworth!"

I'm starting to get excited for my trip to Disney! Yes, it is in October. Why do you ask?

Yeah, I know, Thomas and I have both been to Disney more times than we can count (seriously. I have no idea how many times we've each visited), but it's our favorite vacation destination. Of course we do Disney on the cheap, so it's a rare treat to get to a hotel in the park. In fact, we've never stayed on property together, and I've only stayed on property a handful of times, myself. When I had to go to Disney on business (I know, poor, pitiful me. Best. Business. Trip. Ever.) I was put up at Coronado Springs, which was gorgeous, and I highly recommend it, should money be no object. My high school Senior Trip boarded the class, dorm-style, at the All-Star Sports Resort, but the trip was so jam-packed and harried, I barely remember sleeping. In fact, I'm not entirely sure I did...

Anyhoo, the only other time I stayed at a Disney resort was as a kid. I was about fourteen, and my parents booked a cruise on the (now-defunct) Big Red Boat, with a trip to Disney World following. It was, by far, the most extravagant family vacation we ever took. Honestly, I don't know what my parents were thinking. We're not week-long vacation people. We're omigod-I-just-found-leftover-days-on-our-tickets-from-last-year-so-let's-hop-in-the-car-and-camp-at-the-KOA-for-a-weekend people. (This is where I learned to do Disney cheap, folks. I was taught by the best.) But I digress. The package included a stay at the Port Orleans Resort. Naturally, living so near the real French Quarter, we were interested to see the Disney version, and it didn't disappoint. The grounds were the perfect blend of Louisiana architecture and that magical Disney veneer of cleanliness and fantasy. It was beautiful, and I couldn't imagine a more wonderful place to stay.

Had I seen the new Royal Guest Rooms, I'd have likely flipped my sh--you know.

These just came to my attention today (and I seem to be the last to know, of course), and run about $189 per night, which is not bad by Disney resort standards. Not bad, at all. More than I want to pay, of course. (We're not staying here. We're staying at a hotel near Downtown Disney. I can't remember the name, but we found it online for practically nothing. The inside is surprisingly posh, but the outside is beyond tacky, and I've nicknamed it "The Pineapple Under the Sea".)

Now, before I start in on pictures or video, let me tell you the story behind the decor. According to legend (or the hotel management. Whichever), New Orleans-native Princess Tiana (from The Princess and the Frog) has hosted all of the other Disney princesses at this hotel. Being proper guests, they've each gifted Tiana with special momentos, which she has used to decorate your hotel room. See how many you can spot!


Video: zannaland.com

Cute. Very, very cute. Now, for the actual room details. The rooms are decorated in a golds, burgundies, and blues, with "royal" touches throughout. The comforters have a crown motif, with nods to each of the princesses. The Magic Carpet lies on the floor. The Beast's enchanted ottoman is ready for your tired tootsies...you get the idea. Sweet vacation "snapshots" of the princesses having fun are framed around the room, while official-looking silhouettes of the princes hang on the wall. Grownups will enjoy the flat-screen TV, coffee pot, and fridge, and the kiddies will love the Duffy the Disney Bear: Mickey’s New Friend bedtime story that the hotel televises on a loop from 6-10pm. All ages should get a kick out of the fiber-optic "firework" show that "magically" appears on your headboard. There's even a welcome message from Tiana waiting for you when you arrive!

Photo Credit: Mousesteps

All in all, I think this is a ridiculously adorable idea. Is the room tacky as all get-out? Oh, my, yes. Would I ever stay in it? In a heartbeat. It's silly and sweet, and terribly faux-castle-Fantasyland-chic. As a kid, I would have given my right arm to stay there. As an adult, I think it would be a hoot. You don't go to Disney for its sophisticated charm. You go because it makes you feel like a kid. For just a little while, you get to be a Princess, Prince, or Pirate. A 32-year old woman doesn't look weird in a light-up tiara; she looks weird without one. A 29-year old man should be wearing cartoons on his t-shirt and an Indiana Jones fedora on his head. Dinner can come in the form of a Mickey-shaped ice cream, or be served in a restaurant that's been taken over by dinosaurs or computer-generated rats who also happen to be gourmet chefs. Why not let that childhood wonderment carry over into your hotel room? I mean, if you're already paying to stay at Disney, you should be able to stay at Disney.

Now, does anyone know where I can get a royal coupon?

Random Observations

I think Michael Stipe is trying to decorate my house. Either that, or Andy Kaufman is punking me from beyond the grave. In two days, I have been in two different home decor shops (Kirkland's and Bed Bath & Beyond), and both times I have been haunted by REM's Man On the Moon. Now, don't get me wrong; I really, really like that song, and was a big fan of the Jim Carrey movie (robbed of an Oscar! Robbed!!), but I haven't heard it in any rotation, much less heavy rotation since last century. What is going on, and should I be on the lookout for a skinny, bald man bearing throw pillows?

Yeah...I've officially gone off the deep end. I think I need a vacation.

In other news, the Adorable Napalm Facebook page (why aren't you following it?) has gone Timeline. I have no idea if I like that, or not, but it did give me the opportunity to put a snazzy picture at the header. I thought, today, I'd go through that picture and let you know what was what in that (actually, very organized and artfully arranged) chaos.

1.   Stila One Step Primecolor, Pop of Pink
2.   Buxom Big & Healthy Lip Stick, San Fransisco
3.   Stila One Step Makeup, Light
4.   Urban Decay Rollergirl Palette
5.   Hermione Granger's Wand
6.   Buxom Stay-There Eyeshadow, Mutt
7.   Beauty and the Beast Figurine
8.   Tarte Lights, Camera, Lashes Mascara
9.   Bare Escentuals Mineral Foundation, Fairly Light
10. Stila One Step Primecolor, Kitten
11. Buxom Stay-There Eyeshadow, Cocker Spaniel
12. Urban Decay Primer Potion, Sin
13. The Tenth Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver
14. Benefit Creaseless Cream Eyeshadow, RSVP
15. Buxom Lips, Clair
16. MAC Eyeshadow, Woodwinked
17. Mini Stormtrooper Helmet
18. MAC Lipstick, Russian Red
19. Buxom Lips, Trixie (I know you can't see it, but that's what it is)
20. LORAC Eyeshadow, Sand
21. Stila One Step Primecolor, Capri Coral
22. Benefit Creaseless Cream Eyeshadow, Strut
23. Sephora By O.P.I. Top Coat, Traffic Stopper Copper
24. Urban Decay Primer Potion, Eden
25. LORAC Perfectly Lit Oil-Free Luminizing Powder, Spotlight
26. Urban Decay Eyeshadow, Free Love
27. China Glaze Nail Polish, Riveting
28. Owl Keychain (it screeches!)

Two Peeps and a Bunny Walk Into a Broiler...

It's Holy Week. I work as a church singer. My sinuses have exploded. Fun times all around.

Because my brain is on overload and I feel like toasted sh--uh, crap on a cracker, here's something else toasted and on a cracker...only much more appetizing.

Photo Credit: Foy Update

Yeah, that's right. That's a s'more made with two blue peeps. Not only that, but the chocolate is actually a mini Easter bunny. I want this so badly, you have no idea. Come Sunday afternoon, I think you know what I'll be munching on.

Have a good one! I'm off to swallow a few more allergy/sinus tabs...

Frugal Friday: The Saving O' the Green!

Happy Friday before St. Paddy's Day!! There were a few nice deals this week, so let's hit those first:

Sally Beauty Supply: Save 20% on any purchase $50 or more with code 555117. Exp. 3/19.
E.L.F.: Get an 11-pc. Studio Brush Set for $3 with any purchase of $25 or more with code SPRING. Exp. 3/19.
Smashbox: Save $10 on any $50 purchase with code SAVENOW. Exp. 3/18.
Kohl's: Save 20% on any purchase with code FF20MAR. Exp. 3/18.

In honor of the holiday (and because I'm already too drunk to type--I kid!! I'm never too drunk to type), I thought I'd let makeup maven Madison show you a festive tutorial. Take it away, Maddy!


Video Credit: YouTube

Love her shirt? You can get it for your own little leprechaun for only $5.99 here.

Photo Credit: Target

Now, go stomp on some snakes, or eat some cabbage, or something. Me? I'll have another round, barkeep! *hic*

Eat Your Heart Out! (And Brains, and Liver, and Spleen...)

You know, I racked my brain trying to figure out what to get Thomas for Valentine's Day. We don't normally do a whole lot for the "holiday", since it's only a hop, skip, and jump from both Christmas and our wedding anniversary. Still, neither of us likes for the day to go by completely unnoticed. Granted, last year's was about as unromantic as they come--with a, literally, ticking time-bomb of a television, a hurried and painfully expensive trip to Best Buy, and cold take-out from Olive Garden--but we tried. We had fancy cupcakes from the cool bakery in town, exchanged gifts, and watched a movie on our brand-new, not about to explode T.V. All in all, I'd call it a win, but I digress.

Anyhoo, I didn't know what to get Thomas. It needed to be small, inexpensive, and thoughtful. What would Thomas like that was small, inexpensive, and thoughtful? OH! I know!!

Photo Credit (This and Below): ThinkGeek

Zombie Bon-Bons!!!!!!!

They're bite-sized, only $9.99 per box, and full of (cherry-flavored) braaaiiiiinnnnssss. Who could ask for anything more?

Unfortunately, by the time I saw this, I'd already ordered his gift. Blast.

Oh, well. There's always next year.

BONUS! I just got an email from JewelMint, where you can get a free Be Charmed Ring with any purchase TODAY ONLY. Add the ring and any other piece of jewelry to your cart, and enter GIFTRING at checkout. Plus, you'll get free rush shipping, so your pieces should make it to you by Valentine's!

Photo Credit: JewelMint

Frugal Friday: This Is How My Mind Works

Some random observations from today:

Someone is always getting married on the Young & the Restless. Seriously. About once a week (in the 30 minutes, or so, that I catch most days before I go to work), someone will either announce an engagement, find themselves in a forced/arranged/sham marriage, get word that their ex is betrothed to their enemy and will be their kid's step-parent (whoa), or--crazy as it sounds--actually walk down the aisle. Of course, then someone will have to try to stop the ceremony by objecting, shooting someone, or having the bride or groom arrested. I'm telling you, that is one heckuva town. Vegas never had it so interesting.

Weddings make me think of cake. Now I want cake. There's a cupcake shop on the corner near my new house. I will never lose this weight. Oh well.

You don't so much clean an unused bathtub as you dust it. In some ways, I find that to be more difficult. Not only that, do you have any idea how galling it is to exert so much effort cleaning something that was never used? Well, I take that back. It was used once as a crime scene for a friend's student film, but then the only stuff that went into it was fake blood, and that was made with dishwashing detergent; so, in effect, the only thing that's ever been in that tub was soap...and I still had to clean it. That's just irritating.

Oh! There's a gym nextdoor to the cupcake shop! I could join the gym, and then work off whatever calories were in the cup--oh, I can't even get through that sentence. The shop is walking distance from the house, though. I could just walk to and from the cupcake-y goodness, and that wouldn't be so bad. Yeah! That's a plan!

You should never lose hope. Just because you step up to the Plinko game of life with only two chips, and the first one lands on $0, you shouldn't give up. It only takes one chip to hit $10,000. Your chip could be that one.

Forget the cupcakes! I don't need them! I will lose this weight! I will be strong! Now...what can I do about that pesky Krispy Kreme down the street? Sigh...

And now, for this week's deals:

E.L.F.: Get an 8-piece set (plus travel case) for $2 with any $20 online purchase. Just add the Sweetheart Collection set to your cart, along with $20 worth of merchandise, and enter code SWEET at checkout to get your discount. Offer valid until 1/30/12.

StyleMint: Existing members who buy any two Ts today will receive a free Cupid's Kit, which includes one best-selling JewelMint piece, a seamless cami, and either a lip stain or face cream. No code necessary.

JewelMint: Purchase any JewelMint piece today and receive the Take a Bow Ring for free with code BOWRING.

Have a great weekend, guys! (Now, go get your cupcake on!)

Frugal Friday: Now With Bonus Rant! (Or, At Least It's Not New Coke)

Today's Frugal Friday would make an excellent Stocking Stuffer. With any online purchase of $25 or more, you can get a FREE 4oz. bottle of Philosophy's Amazing Grace Shower Gel. That's my mom's favorite scent, and had I not already bought her present, I'd be seriously considering this. Vicit and "like" the Sephora Facebook page to unlock the code. (If you've already "liked" the page, the link to the code is posted.)

A few weeks ago, I dropped a few coins in a Coke machine, hit the button, and got really, really miffed for a second. What looked like a Diet Coke dropped into the catcher, and while I do like to watch my caloric intake, I rarely drink sodas and I wanted a Coke! A real Coke! Fortunately, upon further inspection, I realized that I had, in fact, received a real Coke, but one in the new holiday can. Crisis averted.

Photo Credit (All): Delish

Well, not quite. Coke enthusiasts wents bonkers. Facebook, Twitter, and even YouTube all lit up with diatribes against the company and its cans from angry fan after angry fan. Diet Coke drinkers were all a-flutter because they bought the wrong can. Regular Coke people were upset over thinking they'd gotten a Diet, and a few were convinced that the soda even tasted different because it came out of a white can.

Still and all, it's a can. More than that, it's a cute can with a fantastic purpose. It's goal: raise awareness for the World Wildlife Fund. Coke has partnered with the charity, and is hoping to donate somewhere around $3 million to helping endangered species. The product inside the can has not changed, and any confusion surrounding the outside of the can could be avoided by simply reading and paying attention. I know I'm probably going to catch a lot of flack for that, but it's true. Many people are fussing that the cans have always been red, that white is almost the same as silver (which Diet has always been), and how were they supposed to know that there had been a change? Answer: Read. Take responsibility for your own actions and for what you put into your own body, especially if you have a medical condition that requires you drink Diet. However, it doesn't matter now; the can has been discontinued, and another version--in red--has been issued.

I think it's ridiculous that a company had to discontinue and re-issue a product because its customers either refused to read the label or were flat-out delusional. Yeah, when I first saw my can, I thought I'd gotten a Diet Coke, but as soon as I picked the can up out of the machine I knew it was a Regular Coke. The word "Diet" was nowhere to be found. You know what else? It tasted exactly the same as it always had. The formula didn't change. They didn't decide to revert back to New Coke just for the holiday edition. The only thing that changed was the can, and to a very sophisticated, elegant, stylish design. It was truly beautiful (you know, for a soda can), and while the red is nice, it's just not the same.

But that's okay. They're on ebay now, but I'm all out of change. Anyone got $300 I can borrow?

Are You Man Enough, Cap'n?

Photo Credit (This and All): Fragrantica

Would you like to know today's excuse for not having Disney World pictures and stories? Would you really? Okay, I'll tell you. I washed a box of dryer sheets with a load of towels, and spent the morning trying to pick flakes of wet cardboard out of my washing machine. And how was your Tuesday?

As the realization of what I'd done dawned on me ("Why the heck are there dryer sheets in here? And why are there so many of them? It looks like a whole box just...oh"), strains of Bonnie Tyler's Holding Out For a Hero echoed through my head. 

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

Now, I have a good man--one who, believe it or not, normally handles the laundry (he's also a dishwashing wizard)--but he was at work. Even if he had been home, I doubt he'd have been any better at removing itty bitty chunks of the lint formerly known as the Snuggle box. He's a man of many talents, but his inability to succumb to brain freeze--impressive as that may be--probably wouldn't do much good in this instance. No, I needed a superhero; someone with either alien or technologically advanced powers of...well, lint-rolling or vaporizing or time travel (to keep me from being stupid and washing the darn box in the first place). Something like that. 

How do I get bit by that radioactive spider? It would be ridiculously awesome to just stare really hard at my bathtub, and clean it with my Scrubbing Bubbles-Vision (TM). I'm sure Thomas would gladly trade the minor inconvenience of a super-secret underground medical procedure to be able to, I don't know, incinerate the garbage with a snap of his fingers. My point, is that I'm sure there are plenty of times in our everyday lives that we all wish we were superheroes. Where's that darn Easy button, Staples? Well, the folks at Diesel have decided to cash in--I mean, help us out with our wishes. If you can't be a superhero, at least you can smell like one. Sort of. 

Captain America cologne! Well, again, sort of. It's also Iron Man cologne. Well, as I said, sort of. Technically, it's Only the Brave, by Diesel, a blend of lemon, leather, violet, amber, styrax, labdanum, and cedar. I haven't sniffed it yet, but it sounds yummy (bold, masculine scents mixed with sparkling, playful notes--awesome), and reviews have been mostly favorable, so it seems to be a decent product, and not just a clever marketing ploy. Of course, it is a clever marketing ploy, but at least there's a chance of getting something quality along with the kitchsy exterior. That exterior, by the way, is a fist. The original Only the Brave comes bottled in a glass fist, adorned with a Diesel logo-as knuckle ring. The Iron Man bottle is still a fist, but a shiny, red metallic one. Captain America is metallic blue with the Star-Spangled Shield emblazoned on the side. 

It's cheesy. It's silly. It's clearly a movie tie-in, and I kind of love it. What's more, my husband would love it. Heck, it might even get my 13 year-old brother to wear something other than Axe (the angels haven't fallen, yet, but he keeps hoping). That would truly be heroic. $67.50, Macy's (not online at time of publication).

I'm Taking a Personal Day

Please excuse me today, but I'm really not feeling well. In my absence, I leave you:



I hope you all have a great weekend, and I'll be back Monday with more product reviews and silliness. Pinky swear.

Thanks,
Erin

Talk About Young and Rebellious...

Here's something extra adorable to get you through Friday Eve:



Photo Credit (this and below): The Official Star Wars Blog

 That's the happiest Han Solo I've ever seen. I want to hug all of those little cuties!!!

OH MY GOD, THEY'RE SO CUDDLY I'M GONNA DIE!!!! I think the funniest bits are Luke's open shirt and Leia showing some leg.

These posters (and two more you can view on the Star Wars blog) are by Hong Kong artist Dorothy Tang. Tang came up with these ridiculously precious propaganda-style posters for the arrival of the Star Wars x adidas Original Collections. I only wish the collection was as awesome as the advertising.

Preparing For the Future, Or: My Retriever Better Wear a Fez

It's Friday. It's been a heck of a week. Let's discuss something silly, shall we?

TIME TRAVEL!!!! (*cue Twilight Zone and/or Doctor Who theme music*)

Let's be honest. We've all dreamed of hopping in a Delorean and magically being transported through time. Right? Who knows, maybe one day we will be able to skip past the work week and go straight to Saturday. There's a college professor in Connecticutt who's been working on a theory since the early 2000s. Maybe he'll have a breakthrough soon, and we can all go and see Elvis in concert, or something.

But wait! What if we already have? (*fire up that creepy music again*) What if time travel is already possible, but mostly accidental? Syndicated columnist, Jason Offutt, asked on his blog, From the Shadows, if maybe "science just can’t achieve it – yet. But what if nature can?" His post from Wednesday gave eyewitness accounts of possible time travel incidents, where the travelers in question weren't even aware of their journeys until later evidence caused them to question their experiences.

Orfutt's life-long interest in the possiblity of time travel, coupled with accounts such as the ones he blogged about, prompted him to found the Time Travel Reporting Center, a website to catalog alleged time travel experiences. People who believe they have traveled through time are urged to submit the details of their experience to the site, in the hopes of furthering research, and fostering the realization that "you are not alone". As of this writing, no submissions have been made.

Now, there's at least one group out there who acknowledges that time travel isn't possible, yet, but they're not letting that stop them from preparing for it, anyway. The Time Travel Fund was set up to allow regular folks, like us, the opportunity to travel into the future. For a mere $10, you receive a certificate (suitable for framing!), and, should time travel ever come to pass, will be retrieved at some point for a trip into the future. How long you stay there is entirely up to you. Now, there are plenty of provisos, some quid pro quo, and a whole lot of covering their rear ends, should time travel never come to pass, and I have to say, these guys put a lot of thought into this. While the first thing you see on the site is a bunch of folks in Santa hats, don't be fooled. They're kooky, but certainly not dumb. No, I'm not sending them ten bucks (and I'm certainly not suggesting any of you should), but if I did, and if this actually worked out, I'd insist upon Christopher Lloyd himself retrieving me. I'm not sure I'd hop in a car with anyone else who tried to tell me it was time to go back to the future.

Photo Credit: ebay

But wait! There's more! If you're just dying to take a trip through time, there's a time machine up for grabs on ebay! The description is way too long for me to list here, but if you need a good giggle, click the link and read through it. It boasts such gems as:

"Serial of spells was chanted into this Time Machine, by very powerful Wicca masters.
Also, with this bidding, it comes with the book, "Mastering Time Travel: Voyages Through Time!"
Signed and autographed by author (usually it costs $26 per book with author's autograph in Amazon),
and blessed by author with magic $777-dollar-fountain-pen and magic ink,
It makes the Time Machine very powerful."

"When making this Ad, there are thunders and lightening out doors,
as if the sky is saying, 'Human are not suppose to know this device.'"

And my favorite:

"you can use this machine to view documents in another dimension,

it could also function similar like the Palm pilot on earth. Magical."

You know, I think I'll just stick with this:

Photo Credit: teecraze.com